15 Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps for Fetish Dating in 2023

Whether you’ve never tried BDSM (which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) before, or you’re experienced in engaging in all kinds of fetishes, there’s a site or app out there for you!

Yes, thanks to the internet, you can pursue your wildest fantasies—or even just relatively mild ones—and connect with strangers from all over the world to get your kink on. 

There are numerous BDSM social network-type sites as well as more conventional online dating apps. So, keep reading to learn more about our top fetish and kink positive dating site recommendations and figure out which one makes the most sense for you!

Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps in 2023

RankSiteBest For1.ALT Best overall BDSM dating site2.Fetish.comOld school kink positive experience3.FetLifeBest BDSM community4.AdultFriendFinderLargest alt user base5.SeekingBest sugar/kink combination6.TinderKink dating with a mainstream veneer7.Ashley MadisonBest for polyamorous8.Pure AppBest for fantasies9.BDSM.comBest for first-timers10.BuddyBang Most open-minded11.Reddit BDSMFree option12.BDSM SinglesBest female-to-male ratio13.FetsterBest for discretion14.Bondage PalBest bondage kink site15.FeeldBest poly/kink hybrid

1.  ALT – Best for alternative and BDSM 

ALT is short for alternative, meaning that you’ll be right at home here if you like to get your kink and your freak on. No matter what your fetish, you can likely find a person (or people!) for you on ALT. 

It’s truly liberating using ALT since you can really just be yourself. It boasts a huge community of alt-minded people, so finding other like-minded individuals is a breeze.

Pro Tip: If you’re just starting out with BDSM and kink culture, then ALT may be a little bit intense. 

Pros:

Sorting by kink
NSFW content to peruse (e.g. cam shows)

Cons:

There are some fake profiles, bots, scammers, etc.
Limited use without premium account 

2.  Fetish.com  – The original fetish community

Fetish.com is all about being “the kink-positive BDSM community for fetish dating.” You pretty much have the whole idea right there. Like FetLife and other platforms reviewed here, they basically want to be the go-to social network for kinky types.

If you really want to just let loose and be yourself and find like-minded individuals, then fetish.com is definitely worth checking out. 

Pro Tip: Fetish.com also has regional sites, which can be handy if you’re looking to make local connections. 

Pros:

All about fetishes and kinks
Friendly online community 

Cons:

Some old and deactivated accounts
Less than intuitive site

3. FetLife – Best BDSM community

FetLife isn’t just a fetish dating site, it also wants to be the world’s best BDSM community. And we have to say, with 10 million members, they’re doing a pretty damn good job. 

Selling themselves as “Like Facebook, but run yb kinksters like you and me,” FetLife competes with sites such as Fetish.com and BDSM.com in trying to offer a way for like-minded individuals to not just date but also casually socialize.

Since FetLife has a niche purpose and a large userbase, your chances of finding people you can jive with are pretty great. 

Pro Tip: Use the variety of handy filters and groups on FetLife for best results! 

Pros:

Many filters and group options
Socially focused

Cons:

Not everyone will be looking for dating and romantic situations
Large userbase but a fair amount of inactive and bot profiles 

4. Adult FriendFinder – Largest alt community

Although it isn’t necessarily only focused on BDSM, AdultFriendFinder is a top choice for many kinksters out there. That’s because it’s one of the best overall alternative communities in the world!

You see, AdultFriendFinder has been around for quite some time and grown a massive alt community thanks to that being their primary focus. Now, you can count on finding just about any type of BDSM kink or fetish you can think of. 

So, whatever you might be looking for, there’s a good chance AdultFriendFinder has it.

Pro Tip: AdultFriendFinder’s userbase is so large that you’ll want to be perfectly open about what you’re looking for. This will keep from wasting anyone’s time (including your own). 

Pros:

Perfect for kinks and fetishes
Huge alt community 

Cons:

Somewhat pricey
Limited free membership with lots of ads

5.  Seeking – Best for sugar/kink hybrid

While Seeking has traditionally been focused on sugar relationships, it’s been branching out to try to get more mainstream appeal.

It also just so happens that many older sugar daddy/mommy types tend to be heavy into kinky stuff like BDSM.

So, whether you’re looking for a sugar relationship or not, Seeking might be worth your time. It’s one of the fastest growing online dating communities around. 

Pro Tip: Keep in mind that Seeking has historically focused on sugar relationships, so the site may generally skew in that direction.  

Pros:

Women can sign up free
Men have a nice woman-to-man ratio
Good way for BDSM lovers to find a partner

Cons:

Pricey (for men)
May not be a good bet if you don’t want a sugar relationship

6.  Tinder – Best mainstream app

Tinder as a BDSM app? Yes, actually.

This app doesn’t need much introduction as it’s pretty much the biggest dating app in the world at this point. The good thing is that means that there’s basically someone for everyone on here.

That said, you’ll have to keep your eye out for specific details (or very honest people) to find other BDSM and kinky types.

Pro Tip: It’s important to realize that not everyone on Tinder is looking for BDSM or even casual hook-ups. So, be clear about your expectations to avoid disappointment.

Pros:

Ridiculously high number of users
Many people looking for alternative connections 

Cons:

Tons of bots and scammers 
Almost too big of a userbase

7.  Ashley Madison – Best for kink polyamory

Ashley Madison is well known as the site that proposes you have an affair (their motto is literally “Life is short. Have an affair.”).

So, you know what you’re getting with Ashley Madison. And it just so happens that lots of people want to find kink and BDSM relationships with other people, maybe because they’re in a marriage or relationship where they can’t get that.

In any case, Ashley Madison is all about discretion and there are many types of people on there. So, it’s probably worth a shot! 

Pro Tip: Choose to get more credits at once if you want a better cost-per-credit ratio. (This style of credit system is pretty popular on BDSM and hookup sites.) 

Pros:

Women sign up free
Discretion is highly prioritized
People tend to not cast judgment 

Cons:

Ethically dubious site
Can get pricey (for men) 

8.  Pure App – Best for fantasy fetishes

Pure is not too unlike Ashley Madison in that they really emphasize the idea of “shameless dating.” So, you definitely don’t have to worry about whatever kink or fetish you might be into here.

What this means is that Pure can be a great option for people who are into BDSM and other kinks and fetishes that aren’t so mainstream. 

The Pure app also has some nice features built in that help promote security and safety.

Pro Tip: If you’re not in a major urban area, then you may have trouble finding people who you can meet up with locally, since Pure doesn’t have nearly the userbase that a Tinder or AdultFriendFinder has.  

Pros:

Privacy prioritized
Easy to get started
Good for kinks and fetishes

Cons:

Not great for people in small communities
Fair amount of scammers and bots

9.  BDSM.com – Best for beginners 

BDSM.com boasts nearly 900,000 active members, giving it a solid claim to being one of the top kink community and personals sites around.

Unfortunately, it’s competing with quite a lot of these sites (see below), and it doesn’t quite do anything particularly well to stand out from the pack. It does have groups for different kinks, though, which can speed things along nicely. 

Pro Tip: Make good use of the groups feature so you can find like-minded people right away and save yourself some time. 

Pros:

Kink social network
Groups feature speeds things along 

Cons:

Watch for scammers and bot profiles
Doesn’t have quite the userbase of other sites reviewed here

10.  BuddyBang – Most open-minded community

BuddyBang’s name didn’t require a team of rocket scientists to come up with. But you get the point right away, and this site aims to be just as easy to use.

If you’re after a casual hookup, BuddyBang is one of the best places to do it. And since many people who don’t mind a one-night-stand are also kinky, you’ve got a good shot of finding someone who can take you to kinky heaven. 

Pro Tip: People on BuddyBang can be downright thirsty, so be prepared for that. 

Pros:

Enthusiastic userbase
Intuitive to use

Cons:

Free tier is loaded with ads
People can be excessively thirsty 

11.  Reddit r/BDSMpersonals – Best free option

Reddit is not just home to cat forums and endless “Am I the Asshole?” posts. It’s also got a lot of NSFW sites, including r/BDSMpersonals.

If you’re looking for a low-risk way to find other BDSM people, then give this a try. After all, it will cost you absolutely nothing. So, simply make a post or browse others to find people to DM. 

Pro Tip: When you post here, you’re making a virtual first impression, so take some time and do a good job of it.  

Pros:

100% free
Low-risk way of finding other BDSM-minded people

Cons:

Not the most active community on Reddit
May have trouble finding people in your area

12.  BDSM Singles – Best female-to-male ratio

BDSM singles is pretty much as advertised, a dating site for people into BDSM. So, if that’s you, then you’ll definitely feel like you’re in the right place.

BDSM wins points for its niche focus, since that’s what you’re here for, right? That said, it also means that it has a relatively small community at the moment, which can mean it’s harder to find dates (particularly in your area). 

Pro Tip: With a small community, BDSM Singles may not yield a lot of local results for you, particularly if you’re in a small community. 

Pros:

Unique tools
BDSM focused

Cons:

Relatively small userbase so far
May have trouble finding people in your area

13.  Fetster – Best for discretion

Fetster may have an old-school site, but it’s a great community for fetish-minded individuals. It also wins points for prioritizing discretion, which is usually welcomed by most people pursuing BDSM and fetish relationships online.

While not one of the largest BDSM communities online, it’s still sizable enough that it could very well be worth your time to check out. 

Pro Tip: Don’t get turned off by the old-school site. While it could use a tuning up, it still has everything you need to find other people with your fetishes and kinks.  

Pros:

Big community
100% focused on fetishes

Cons:

Site could use some updating

14.  Bondage Pal – Best for bondage

Bondage Pal is pretty straightforward: it’s your pal if you’re into bondage. Although it features a rather small community at present, it would appear to be growing quickly.

So, if you’re into bondage, then you should definitely give Bondage Pal a try. It’s really nice having a platform dedicated to your specific kink, and not always available, so take advantage of it!

Pro Tip: Bondage Pal is all about bondage, so if you’re not into bondage, then look elsewhere. 

Pros:

Perfect if you’re into the “B” of BDSM
Some unique features 

Cons:

Super specific niche
Site could use some work 

15.  Feeld – Best polyamory/kink hybrid platform

Feeld specifically focuses on allowing people to find a partner or partners for a threesome. But guess what? The kind of people who are more likely to go for a threesome are more adventurous sexually in general, meaning that they’re also more likely to be into BDSM and other kinky stuff.

So, while you do need to be looking for a threesome on Feeld, you might also meet people with your same fetishes or kinks. In any case, it’s worth a shot! This is a judgment-free zone with a very modern app. 

Pro Tip: Unfortunately, the sign-up process requires Facebook, so keep that in mind. 

Pros:

Very open-minded platform
Sex-positive all the way around 

Cons:

Facebook required to sign up
Apple users only for premium version 

BDSM Dating Site FAQ

Is it safe to use BDSM apps?

Yes, it’s safe to use BDSM sites and apps. You just have to use common sense and remember to never share personal information with strangers online. That’s just a good way to get scammed or have your identity stolen. 

How do you stay safe using BDSM apps?

Staying safe when using a BDSM app is basically the same as staying safe when using any online dating site or app. You have to use common sense, trust your gut instinct, and follow some basic safety procedures. For example, meet in public the first time, tell someone you trust where you’re going, etc. 

Are there any free BDSM sites?

Yes, there are a number of free BDSM sites, particularly if you are a woman. There’s also Reddit’s r/BDSMpersonals, which is free for everyone. 

Can women use BDSM sites for free?

Yes, actually. On a number of BDSM sites, including some of those reviewed above, women can sign up for free.  

Final Takeaway

BDSM may have become a bit more mainstream thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, but it’s still not the easiest thing in the world to find in your own romantic life.

That said, it’s never been easier thanks to the internet. The BDSM sites and apps that we’ve reviewed above make it a breeze to get your kink and freak on with people from your local community and around the world.

So, what are you waiting for? Find the kink dating site or app that works best for you and enjoy!

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