Concerts

Sugar daddy sites have risen in popularity over the last several years as society becomes more comfortable with unconventional relationships. As more people seek either companionship or financial security, sugar arrangements have become very attractive.

Unfortunately, the popularity of sugar relationships has caused an influx of sugar dating sites to pop up. Some sites do their part in vetting the members, but others invite scammers, leeches, flakes, and fakes.

We’ve done the leg work for you and have found the best sugar daddy sites where a sugar daddy can meet a sugar baby and vice versa. These sites strike the delicate balance between safety and fun. We review what’s best about a site for daddies and what’s best for babies.

These are our brand new rankings for 2023.

The Best Sugar Daddy Sites and Apps in 2023

RankSiteBest For1.SugarDaddy.comBest overall sugar daddy site2.Secret BenefitsBest mix of daddies and babies3.SugarDaddyForMeQuickest way to find an arrangement4.SugarDaddyMeetVerified income feature5.Our SecretBest for confidentiality6.Ashley MadisonJudgement free sugar dating site7.What’s Your PriceBest for women to set their own price8.Sugar SearchBest database of local sugar daddies9.R/SugarBabyFree way to find sugar babies10.Elite SinglesMeet intellectual sugar babies and daddies11.Established MenBest for daddies seeking a long term arrangement12.RichMeetBeautifulMost secure and discreet site13.Miss TravelBest for sugar babies who like to travel14.Wealthy MenMost straightforward sugar dating site15.AgeMatchFind younger women16.SudyBest sugar dating app17.SugarBookBest sugar app for babies

We’ll do a deep dive on our top 5 sites and shorter reviews for the rest.

1. SugarDaddy.com – Best overall site

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★★Real profiles★★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★

The name says it all. SugarDaddy.com is one of the original and premier sugar daddy sites. It verifies all members, daddies and babies alike. There are nearly 10 million current members and counting with thousands of people online at any given time. The best part? Nearly 2/3rds are babies looking for that special daddy to take care of them.

Free members can actually enjoy tons of features (like sending kisses, using the advanced search feature, and responding to paying members), but a membership is well worth it and pretty affordable compared to its competitors. It’s a credit-based system and costs around a quarter per credit. Privacy is a top priority on Sugardaddy.com, making it easy to discreetly enter into relationships.

What it’s like for daddies:

70% of the users on sugardaddy.com are babies looking to be spoiled. With millions of users, this makes being a daddy on the site extremely easy and entertaining. Credits can be used to get in touch with the babies and they won’t cost you much. Because privacy is taken so seriously on this website, there’s no need to fear your identity being revealed. Furthermore, daddies can rest easy knowing they won’t be scammed by any members given that they are all verified.

What it’s like for babies:

Sugar babies tend to love the ease of this site and how slick it is. Other sugar baby sites tend to look shady or seedy, but sugardaddy.com is slick and modern. It makes it easy to layout exactly what you’re looking for in a daddy. One drawback is the fact that most of the users are babies, so there’s some stiff competition out there. But with millions of daddies online searching, finding the right one shouldn’t be too difficult.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

Check out our full SugarDaddy.com review for more information.

2.  Secret Benefits – Best gender ratio

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★★Real profiles★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★★

SecretBenefits.com is one of the most popular and stylish sugar daddy dating websites. It has a modern and fresh look along with an easy-to-use interface which has encouraged millions of attractive and wealthy individuals to join and search for a positive sugar dating experience on the site. Due to its popularity and stellar reputation among the site’s members, there is a constant flow of new hopeful sugar daddies and sugar babies as well as a very active member base.

Anyone can signup, create a profile, and search for free. Sugar babies can enjoy the site and its features for free. If a sugar daddy finds a sugar baby of interest, they need to purchase credits to open a chat with them. There should be no lack of potential candidates among the millions of members as the gender ratio is about 50/50.

What it’s like for daddies:

Signing up as a sugar daddy is very fast and painless. You can also choose to start a very basic profile to search for potential sugar babies in your area before committing too much time or money. Another great feature if you’re looking for a discreet relationship is you can hide your profile at any time as well as go invisible for 24 hours and browse profiles in secret. These features help maintain your privacy while discreetly allowing you to find your perfect sugar baby.

What it’s like for babies:

Sugar babies love using Secret Benefits not only because it’s free, but also because the site’s outstanding support team keeps the riffraff out which provides a safe platform full of serious and active sugar daddies that are not looking to waste anyone’s time. Getting your profile verified via a short intro video also encourages daddies to reach out once they see that you are the real deal. The success rates for legit, happy, and ongoing sugar daddy relationships are extremely high on SecretBenefits.com, so it’s really just about getting signed up and putting yourself out there to find exactly the type of daddy you’re looking for.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

3. SugarDaddyForMe – Speedy matching process

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★Real profiles★★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★

This chic site is slick in design and even better in matching capabilities. It doesn’t hide the fact that it’s a tried and true sugar daddy site designed for arrangements. This is made clear for both the women and the men who join SugarDaddyForMe.

What it’s like for daddies:

You should know first that the payment structure is unique. The membership tiers are based on how much time you want to buy rather than what you have access to. SugarDaddyForMe will want to verify your income, but there’s not much to it after that. You’re essentially brought into the SugarDaddyForMe world within minutes, making this platform one of the fastest ways to find a date.

What it’s like for babies:

This is a free sugar daddy site for you! Signing up takes only minutes and you’ll be glad to know that SugarDaddyForMe will want to know what your ideal arrangement would be. This can all be altered later if you change your mind.

Membership TypePriceBronze$39.95/monthSilver$54.90/monthGold$59.90/month

4.  SugarDaddyMeet – For rich men who can spoil

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★Real profiles★★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★

SugarDaddyMeet, one of the original sugar dating sites, doesn’t sugarcoat its true intentions. According to the site, it’s only available to men who live in the 20 richest countries in the world. By attracting affluent men, it also attracts beautiful young women. Verifying income and wealth are two major features on SugarDaddyMeet, making it one of the best sugar dating sites for the ladies.

Like all the sites we review, the real way to experience this site is paying for an introductory membership. Once you do, it’s cheeky communication options, like winking and sparking (swiping), become available.

With more than 5 million members, SugarDaddyMeet is a wonderful option for babies and daddies who want to try something outside the SugarDaddy.com-Secret Benefits-Our Secret family of sites.

What it’s like for daddies:

For one, you’ll need to actually be rich to get approved for SugarDaddyMeet. Those who meet the requirements are introduced to a world of beautiful females. The platform itself feels like other social media sites that you may already be familiar with. It’s very casual and generally a breeze finding a mutually beneficial arrangement. Once a daddy pays, he can send gifts and video chat with babies.

What it’s like for the babies:

This site has plenty of features that make women feel safe using it. You can verify income and let the site know what you’re looking for in a sugar daddy. Using a handy algorithm, it’ll match you up based on your preferences. A free membership is all you’ll need!

Membership LengthPrice1 month$50.003 months$90.00 ($30/month)6 months$144.00 ($24/month)

5. Our Secret – Best for confidential sugar dating

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★★Real profiles★★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★

Whether you are in a current relationship, a celebrity, or simply a private person that would rather not have your friends or colleagues discover you on a dating site, you might want to consider signing up to the most discreet site on our list, OurSecret.com. Although the site is fairly new, they’ve done a great job delivering exactly what private people are looking for in an effective dating site.

Our Secret has hundreds of thousands of members looking to find their ideal secret relationship with about 50% of its members in the US. The goal of the site is to streamline the online dating process by providing easy signup and profile creation, precise search filters, and an excellent private chat function that also allows members to share additional photos with each other.

There is a free feature, but the options are very limited. You can only browse profiles. If you’d like to communicate, you need to buy credits.

Our Secret, like the previous two sites, operates on a credit system. Each action you take costs a certain amount of credits. It’s not a rip-off, in fact it’s the same price as SugarDaddy.com and Secret Benefits. We suspect the similar packages mean the sites are operated by sister companies or one parent company, which is typical in the dating space.

What it’s like for daddies:

The discreet sugar daddy will enjoy many of the features that mainstream popular dating sites provide without all of the potential public overexposure. Sugar daddies have the option of creating a basic profile, searching for their potential new secret matches in an incognito mode, as well as hiding their photos in secret albums for choice matches eyes only. All daddies should be pleased to know that creating a profile and searching for matches is totally free. Only if you find someone of interest will you need to purchase credits in order to open a chat, which will remain open and unlimited once the chat is opened. There are no monthly fees so you can come and go as you please as well as hide your profile from sugar babies in search if you find someone you like and want to pursue.

What it’s like for babies:

OurSecret.com understands that many sugar babies are active university students and social media influencers and might not want to be broadcasting their dating profiles to the masses on frequented sites such as Tinder. With this need for privacy and discretion by their sugar baby members, Our Secret has made it easy to streamline the online dating process and help you find exactly the kind of sugar daddy relationship you’re looking for without all the fuss. Using all of the site’s features is totally free to sugar babies. Getting started and adding photos and videos of yourself is a cinch and can also be kept in a private album only available to those daddies that you give permission to, and with the majority of daddies on the site seeking a discreet arrangement, keeping your relationship on the down-low should never be an issue.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

6.  Ashley Madison – Find a casual companion

Ashley Madison is the site that people hate admitting they love. Sure, it’s received some shady press over the years, but it works marvelously. Though linked to affairs, it’s a perfect site for those in open-relationships to find fun arrangements with other folks. It’s a completely open-minded and judgment-free space for people to explore sensual relationships.

What it’s like for daddies:

Ashley Madison can be used as a sugar site. It follows a credit-based payment structure that allows men to communicate with women. There’s nothing on Ashley Madison to weed out the sugar babies from the rest of them, so you’ll need to use the age preference feature to find the ladies and chat to see if they are interested. Women are free to join, making it a great breeding ground for relationships with younger college-age women.

What it’s like for babies:

Men on Ashley Madison are usually looking for excitement, and sugar babies know how to have fun. There are a lot of wealthy men looking for younger women on the site, so if you specify that you are looking to set up an arrangement, you’ll have no problem finding a handsome catch.

Want even more about Ashley Madison? Check out our full review.

7.  What’s Your Price – Bid on dates

On many sugar sites, the idea of an arrangement is implied but not always enforced. In other words, SDs don’t feel like spending or SBs ask for too much. On What’s Your Price, the intention is clear. It’s about an agreement or arrangement that works for both parties. What’s Your Price will set everyone up with their ideal situation so that the minutiae of finances don’t cloud the fun! And it was created by the established folks behind Seeking, so you know it’s legit.

What it’s like for daddies:

You will feel like you are shopping for gorgeous women through an online marketplace. We hate to boil it down to an online shopping experience, but that’s kind of how it works! You will be shown tons of ladies who have a price in mind. Then, you can bid on anyone you find attractive or worth your time. You can also send virtual gifts and make bids as low as $10. You don’t have to be “wealthy” to join.

What it’s like for the babies:

What’s Your Price puts you in total control, which is a nice alternative to the chaotic free-for-all approach that other sites have. The only negative to What’s Your Price is that there is a lot of competition. There are 3 million members and counting, which means that your ad is going to have to be competitive.

8.  Sugar Search – Check out “Members Currently Online” before chatting to avoid flakes

It’s just as it sounds. Sugar Search is an easy to use search engine to find a local sugar daddy.

Sugar Search only operates in a few cities. Sorry babies and daddies, if you’re not in NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles, Houston, Phoenix, San Antonio, or Philadelphia, this isn’t the site for you.

Sugar Search goes to admirable lengths to ensure all the accounts are legit. Some slip through the cracks, but the moderation team is pretty on top of it.

Best of all, the site has great customer service and makes it easy to cancel a membership if you’re over it.

What it’s like for daddies:

It’s a super simple sign up process for daddies. Fill in a few fields, verify some personal info, and you’re set. Sugar Search has a great daddy to baby ratio, so it shouldn’t be too hard to meet a baby. The chat feature is slick and easy to use. If you want your profile to appear toward the top of search results, opt for the Diamond Membership. It really does increase the amount and quality of matches.

What it’s like for the babies:

Babies, you won’t be disappointed. Sugar Search is the ultimate sugar daddy search tool if you’re in one of their cities. Sugar Search requires daddies to verify their personal information, so you won’t encounter too many fraudulent accounts. Do your own due diligence by chatting with a prospective daddy first. The sheer volume of options means you’ll likely connect with someone shortly after you sign up.

9.  Reddit (r/SugarBaby) – Top sugar forum

Reddit is a site that gets a ton of volume. As a general forum for a huge range of topics, people come to Reddit to get information about virtually anything you can think of. It works for sugaring, too, on the subreddits that are related to the subject. If you don’t already know, a subreddit is a specific message board. For the best sugar daddy action, visit the /r/SugarBaby board. We should also warn you that sexy photos flood the page!

What it’s like for daddies:

This subreddit has over 80K users, making it more intimate than most but still giving you a ton of options. The best part is that it’s one of the only free sugar daddy sites on this list. Men aren’t allowed to post, but you can browse through the photos and proposals of the women on the page.

What it’s like for the babies:

You can post on this forum photos and a description of your ideal relationship. If a guy sees you on the page and is interested in pursuing you, he will direct message you through the platform! To post, you will need to go through a verification process, but it’s not complicated.

10.  Elite Singles – Dating site for educated daddies and babies

Elite Singles was not designed specifically for sugaring. It’s a premium dating site that caters toward educated and successful individuals looking for someone who is like-minded. As a baby, you should be seeking something serious when you join Elite Singles. This site is made for real relationships, not a one-time hookup. A majority of the people on this site are college-educated, regardless of age, so that’s another thing to keep in mind.

What it’s like for daddies:

Elite Singles is ideal for the man (or woman) who is interested in meeting an intelligent, independent person to shower with affection or anything else. One of the best things about Elite Singles is that nobody is flakey. People are genuinely searching for their other half and they aren’t greedy for cash because they are successful themselves.

What it’s like for the babies:

This is an app best suited for the baby who isn’t just in this for the money. You don’t need to be wildly successful to get on Elite Singles, but you should have a semblance of independence and perhaps a college degree (or working towards one). This isn’t the quickest way to find a sugar daddy, but it is a place where you’ll meet successful people.

11.  Established Men – Great for long-term sugar dating

If you couldn’t gather from the name, Established Men is a dating site created for successful men looking for a relationship. Men who are established and wealthy often don’t find much time to date around. This site makes finding a partner very simple. It’s not a hookup site but rather a place that caters directly to wealthy guys who want a relationship. Though not exclusively for sugar relationships, women aren’t charged for a membership, making it feel like a free sugar daddy site for them.

What it’s like for daddies:

Established Men is not a free sugar dating site for men, but that shouldn’t be a problem if you are, in fact, established. Through the platform, you are able to send gifts and interact with the beautiful ladies that this website attracts. There are new members daily, so you’ll never run out of options!

What it’s like for babies:

Step into the world of Established Men. These are individuals who know their worth, so they might be tough to please. What’s nice about the site is that these guys aren’t expecting you to come to them with a set arrangement. They just want to spoil someone special with bags, shoes, and more.

12.  RichMeetBeautiful – Encrypted sugar daddy site

Contrary to popular belief, RichMeetBeautiful is not just for rich men. Anyone who is reasonably well off can still engage with beautiful men and women through the platform. It’s also one of the most secure sugar dating sites because it uses encryption security.

What it’s like for daddies:

RichMeetBeautiful claims to be rich in several ways: experience, romance, passion, style, and so on. It also explicitly says “no sugar dating” on the homepage. You’re probably asking yourself why it even made the list. It’s a site for successful individuals to meet one another through a scientific matchmaking algorithm. If you want to find a younger woman to spoil, you will absolutely be able to.

What it’s like for babies:

RichMeetsBeautiful is not explicitly for sugar dating. It is a site where you can converse with men who enjoy spoiling their significant others. It’s built for long-lasting relationships, so be prepared to meet people who want to find real love.

13.  Miss Travel – Best for the adventurous

Miss Travel puts an exciting spin on sugar dating. Rather than finding a companion locally, this site encourages people to find partners from places they’d love to travel to! It adds a whole new element to the fun of sugar dating, and women can join this site for free.

What it’s like for daddies:

SDs in open relationships or looking for fun outside of a relationship love to use this site while they travel for business. However, it’s also convenient for men who want foreign women to come to them. There are a ton of beautiful women who use Miss Travel because they are looking for an adventure with a well-to-do man.

What it’s like for babies:

Ever wanted to travel the world? This is one of the best ways to make that happen. The daddy you find will likely pay for the entire trip. There’s also an exciting “Create a Trip” feature that allows you to plan a wonderful vacation right there on the site.

14.  Wealthy Men – A no-frills approach to sugaring

Wealthy Men is the most straightforward sugar daddy website available to users, and it’s very reliable too. It promises young women that they will meet the wealthy man of their dreams. And, it has a guarantee for its paid members that they’ll find someone in three months. Members can rest assured that Wealthy Men will absolutely work for them.

What it’s like for daddies:

We’ll be honest: Wealthy Men does not make it that easy on the guys initially. You will have to prove that you make at least 85K by providing documentation stating so and comment on how much you’re willing to spend on a baby. While this is annoying, it maintains the integrity of the site.

What it’s like for babies:

This is one of the best sugar daddy sites out there. The financial aspect works in your favor. But you’ll want to pay for it, as the free version doesn’t allow for messaging.

15.  AgeMatch – Best for relationships with significant age gaps

AgeMatch doesn’t market itself as a sugar website. Instead of sugar daddies and young models, it pins itself as a dating platform for people with a very large age gap between them. This works for arrangements because most of the companionships on this site are between successful older men and stunning younger women.

What it’s like for daddies:

Some men don’t want arrangements and prefer the idea of spoiling someone who enjoys their company. For those types, AgeMatch is perfect. You will feel like you are on a real dating site and not a shady or seedy arrangement site, which is a nice alternative to the normal setup.

What it’s like for babies:

The expected age gap works in your favor, but the fact that sugaring is more implied than explicit does not. You won’t be asked about your preferred arrangement. However, there are plenty of wonderful successful older men at your disposal and you are welcome to present them with your terms.

16.  Sudy – A sugaring mobile app

Sudy is a fantastic app in terms of usability. It functions really well and is set up in such a way that makes it easy to meet someone new. There are some things about Sudy that aren’t perfect, which is why it’s at the bottom of our list, but it’s certainly a great option for someone who would rather use their phone than a desktop to find a date.

What it’s like for the daddies:

To join, you’ll need to make over 200K. Once you verify this, you will be introduced to the world of beautiful ladies (there’s a 4:1 male to female ratio). Gorgeous women like to know that you make enough to entertain them, so the verification works in your favor. Sources report having trouble deleting their profiles though, so that might be a turn-off for you.

What it’s like for babies:

There are more women than men, which means it’s competitive. But at the same time, Sudy is also very safe. The Sudy staff work tirelessly to moderate the platform and remove suspicious or fake profiles.

17.  SugarBook – Great for alternative arrangements

Sometimes arrangements aren’t all money-based. There are ambitious women (or guys) out there who desire connections, advice, opportunities, and financial help. Sources say that SugarBook is ideal for that type of relationship with a sugar mama or sugar daddy because each interaction begins by laying out expectations for one another.

What it’s like for daddies:

You will need to verify your income before getting accepted to SugarBook. This is technically a free sugar daddy site for men, but the premium option will show you many more profiles. We’ll admit that it’s limited on the free side.

What it’s like for babies:

You can join for free or pay for more features, that’s totally up to you. Try the free version first, though, because the features just include access to more daddies and a more specific search. You might find what you’re looking for on the free version alone. You’ll have a chance to create a profile where you can explain what you’re interested in.

How  To Be A Good Sugar Daddy

Don’t be stingy – If you want to be a sugar daddy, then you have to be prepared to give a little—okay, a lot—of “sugar.” In other words, you’re going to have to open up that wallet and be generous, giving without necessarily expecting much in return. This is your part of the deal as a sugar daddy. 
Have fun – Surprise gifts, dinners, trips, etc. are a way to inject some fun into your life and the life of your sugar baby. The more you treat it from a light and laidback standpoint the better.
Don’t obsess – Sugar babies will get turned off if you’re super obsessive and act like you’re deeply in love. This is supposed to be a casual relationship where you spoil them, not something meant to last a lifetime like a conventional serious relationship. 
Be transparent – If you only want sugar babies who will have intimate relations with you, then you better make that clear upfront. There are many sugar relationships that don’t get very physical, and the last thing you want is to get rejected after you’ve gotten your expectations up. Being clear from the start saves everyone time and hurt feelings. 
Be smart – As a wealthy person, you may have a significant public profile. Discretion is highly important. Don’t send compromising pictures or messages of yourself unless you’re absolutely sure that you trust this person. In general, be discreet, or else you may seriously regret it.  

How To Be A Good Sugar Baby

Try to be engaging – A sugar daddy wants you to act like he’s the most interesting person in the world. He doesn’t want to spend time and money on you only to have you stare at your phone or ignore him.  
Watch your physique – Although it depends on the daddy, many of them are superficial. Your physique will be an important feature drawing these daddies in, and so it’s important to maintain.  
Don’t be a headache – Sugar daddies generally want something light, playful, and fun. They’re looking for a distraction from work stress or simply a good time. If you are constantly overdramatic, emotional, etc. they will be turned off and want to end the relationship. 
Be funny – Everyone loves to laugh. And while it’s important that you laugh at your sugar daddy’s jokes, it really helps if you can make them laugh as well. 
Be up for anything – It’s totally fine to have your limits as a sugar baby, and you should think about what those are ahead of time. But the more you can be “up for anything,” the better. Sugar daddies often love to be spontaneous and spoil their babies almost randomly. So, the more you’re game for surprise gifts and trips, the better.  

Have Questions About Sugar Daddies and Babies? Here Are Some FAQs

What Does a Sugar Daddy Do?

A sugar daddy’s role is relatively simple. His “job” consists essentially in using his wealth to spoil the sugar baby. This might include fancy dinners, high-end alcohol, even vacations all around the world. In return, the sugar daddy expects a certain degree of companionship. 

Where Can I Find a Sugar Baby?

Finding a sugar baby is basically the same process as finding a sugar daddy. You simply need to leverage the sites and apps that exist specifically to unite would-be sugar babies with sugar daddies. One of the best sites for this is Seeking, though there are many others (the reviews for which you can see in the above article). 

What Does a Sugar Baby Do?

A sugar baby simply provides companionship to a sugar daddy. In exchange for being spoiled and receiving gifts, dinners, vacations, etc., a sugar baby is expected to provide companionship and affection to the sugar daddy. This isn’t necessarily always sexual, as that depends on the sugar daddy and the terms that you establish. It’s a good idea to be upfront about expectations from the get-go to ensure that everything goes smoothly. 

Is It Ok to Have a Sugar Daddy?

Some people may be wondering if it’s morally okay to have a sugar daddy. Well, that depends. Is the sugar daddy married with kids and doing this on the side without anyone knowing? That’s definitely a questionable thing to do morally speaking. But if no one else is at risk of being hurt by the relationship, and everything is consensual, then it’s perfectly okay to have a sugar daddy. 

Are Sugar Daddy Sites Legit?

Sugar daddy sites can definitely be legit. That said, sugar relationships have become more popular and so many sites have popped up lately. Not all of them are legitimate, so it’s important to be careful. A good idea would be to stick with the sites reviewed above, especially the biggest and most well-established ones. 

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Sugar daddy sites have risen in popularity over the last several years as society becomes more comfortable with unconventional relationships. As more people seek either companionship or financial security, sugar arrangements have become very attractive.

Unfortunately, the popularity of sugar relationships has caused an influx of sugar dating sites to pop up. Some sites do their part in vetting the members, but others invite scammers, leeches, flakes, and fakes.

We’ve done the leg work for you and have found the best sugar daddy sites where a sugar daddy can meet a sugar baby and vice versa. These sites strike the delicate balance between safety and fun. We review what’s best about a site for daddies and what’s best for babies.

These are our brand new rankings for 2023.

The Best Sugar Daddy Sites and Apps in 2023

RankSiteBest For1.SugarDaddy.comBest overall sugar daddy site2.Secret BenefitsBest mix of daddies and babies3.SugarDaddyForMeQuickest way to find an arrangement4.SugarDaddyMeetVerified income feature5.Our SecretBest for confidentiality6.Ashley MadisonJudgement free sugar dating site7.What’s Your PriceBest for women to set their own price8.Sugar SearchBest database of local sugar daddies9.R/SugarBabyFree way to find sugar babies10.Elite SinglesMeet intellectual sugar babies and daddies11.Established MenBest for daddies seeking a long term arrangement12.RichMeetBeautifulMost secure and discreet site13.Miss TravelBest for sugar babies who like to travel14.Wealthy MenMost straightforward sugar dating site15.AgeMatchFind younger women16.SudyBest sugar dating app17.SugarBookBest sugar app for babies

We’ll do a deep dive on our top 5 sites and shorter reviews for the rest.

1. SugarDaddy.com – Best overall site

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★★Real profiles★★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★

The name says it all. SugarDaddy.com is one of the original and premier sugar daddy sites. It verifies all members, daddies and babies alike. There are nearly 10 million current members and counting with thousands of people online at any given time. The best part? Nearly 2/3rds are babies looking for that special daddy to take care of them.

Free members can actually enjoy tons of features (like sending kisses, using the advanced search feature, and responding to paying members), but a membership is well worth it and pretty affordable compared to its competitors. It’s a credit-based system and costs around a quarter per credit. Privacy is a top priority on Sugardaddy.com, making it easy to discreetly enter into relationships.

What it’s like for daddies:

70% of the users on sugardaddy.com are babies looking to be spoiled. With millions of users, this makes being a daddy on the site extremely easy and entertaining. Credits can be used to get in touch with the babies and they won’t cost you much. Because privacy is taken so seriously on this website, there’s no need to fear your identity being revealed. Furthermore, daddies can rest easy knowing they won’t be scammed by any members given that they are all verified.

What it’s like for babies:

Sugar babies tend to love the ease of this site and how slick it is. Other sugar baby sites tend to look shady or seedy, but sugardaddy.com is slick and modern. It makes it easy to layout exactly what you’re looking for in a daddy. One drawback is the fact that most of the users are babies, so there’s some stiff competition out there. But with millions of daddies online searching, finding the right one shouldn’t be too difficult.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

Check out our full SugarDaddy.com review for more information.

2.  Secret Benefits – Best gender ratio

SpecificationRatingUser experience★★★★★Real profiles★★★★Reply rate★★★★★Customer service★★★★★

SecretBenefits.com is one of the most popular and stylish sugar daddy dating websites. It has a modern and fresh look along with an easy-to-use interface which has encouraged millions of attractive and wealthy individuals to join and search for a positive sugar dating experience on the site. Due to its popularity and stellar reputation among the site’s members, there is a constant flow of new hopeful sugar daddies and sugar babies as well as a very active member base.

Anyone can signup, create a profile, and search for free. Sugar babies can enjoy the site and its features for free. If a sugar daddy finds a sugar baby of interest, they need to purchase credits to open a chat with them. There should be no lack of potential candidates among the millions of members as the gender ratio is about 50/50.

What it’s like for daddies:

Signing up as a sugar daddy is very fast and painless. You can also choose to start a very basic profile to search for potential sugar babies in your area before committing too much time or money. Another great feature if you’re looking for a discreet relationship is you can hide your profile at any time as well as go invisible for 24 hours and browse profiles in secret. These features help maintain your privacy while discreetly allowing you to find your perfect sugar baby.

What it’s like for babies:

Sugar babies love using Secret Benefits not only because it’s free, but also because the site’s outstanding support team keeps the riffraff out which provides a safe platform full of serious and active sugar daddies that are not looking to waste anyone’s time. Getting your profile verified via a short intro video also encourages daddies to reach out once they see that you are the real deal. The success rates for legit, happy, and ongoing sugar daddy relationships are extremely high on SecretBenefits.com, so it’s really just about getting signed up and putting yourself out there to find exactly the type of daddy you’re looking for.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

3. SugarDaddyForMe – Speedy matching process

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This chic site is slick in design and even better in matching capabilities. It doesn’t hide the fact that it’s a tried and true sugar daddy site designed for arrangements. This is made clear for both the women and the men who join SugarDaddyForMe.

What it’s like for daddies:

You should know first that the payment structure is unique. The membership tiers are based on how much time you want to buy rather than what you have access to. SugarDaddyForMe will want to verify your income, but there’s not much to it after that. You’re essentially brought into the SugarDaddyForMe world within minutes, making this platform one of the fastest ways to find a date.

What it’s like for babies:

This is a free sugar daddy site for you! Signing up takes only minutes and you’ll be glad to know that SugarDaddyForMe will want to know what your ideal arrangement would be. This can all be altered later if you change your mind.

Membership TypePriceBronze$39.95/monthSilver$54.90/monthGold$59.90/month

4.  SugarDaddyMeet – For rich men who can spoil

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SugarDaddyMeet, one of the original sugar dating sites, doesn’t sugarcoat its true intentions. According to the site, it’s only available to men who live in the 20 richest countries in the world. By attracting affluent men, it also attracts beautiful young women. Verifying income and wealth are two major features on SugarDaddyMeet, making it one of the best sugar dating sites for the ladies.

Like all the sites we review, the real way to experience this site is paying for an introductory membership. Once you do, it’s cheeky communication options, like winking and sparking (swiping), become available.

With more than 5 million members, SugarDaddyMeet is a wonderful option for babies and daddies who want to try something outside the SugarDaddy.com-Secret Benefits-Our Secret family of sites.

What it’s like for daddies:

For one, you’ll need to actually be rich to get approved for SugarDaddyMeet. Those who meet the requirements are introduced to a world of beautiful females. The platform itself feels like other social media sites that you may already be familiar with. It’s very casual and generally a breeze finding a mutually beneficial arrangement. Once a daddy pays, he can send gifts and video chat with babies.

What it’s like for the babies:

This site has plenty of features that make women feel safe using it. You can verify income and let the site know what you’re looking for in a sugar daddy. Using a handy algorithm, it’ll match you up based on your preferences. A free membership is all you’ll need!

Membership LengthPrice1 month$50.003 months$90.00 ($30/month)6 months$144.00 ($24/month)

5. Our Secret – Best for confidential sugar dating

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Whether you are in a current relationship, a celebrity, or simply a private person that would rather not have your friends or colleagues discover you on a dating site, you might want to consider signing up to the most discreet site on our list, OurSecret.com. Although the site is fairly new, they’ve done a great job delivering exactly what private people are looking for in an effective dating site.

Our Secret has hundreds of thousands of members looking to find their ideal secret relationship with about 50% of its members in the US. The goal of the site is to streamline the online dating process by providing easy signup and profile creation, precise search filters, and an excellent private chat function that also allows members to share additional photos with each other.

There is a free feature, but the options are very limited. You can only browse profiles. If you’d like to communicate, you need to buy credits.

Our Secret, like the previous two sites, operates on a credit system. Each action you take costs a certain amount of credits. It’s not a rip-off, in fact it’s the same price as SugarDaddy.com and Secret Benefits. We suspect the similar packages mean the sites are operated by sister companies or one parent company, which is typical in the dating space.

What it’s like for daddies:

The discreet sugar daddy will enjoy many of the features that mainstream popular dating sites provide without all of the potential public overexposure. Sugar daddies have the option of creating a basic profile, searching for their potential new secret matches in an incognito mode, as well as hiding their photos in secret albums for choice matches eyes only. All daddies should be pleased to know that creating a profile and searching for matches is totally free. Only if you find someone of interest will you need to purchase credits in order to open a chat, which will remain open and unlimited once the chat is opened. There are no monthly fees so you can come and go as you please as well as hide your profile from sugar babies in search if you find someone you like and want to pursue.

What it’s like for babies:

OurSecret.com understands that many sugar babies are active university students and social media influencers and might not want to be broadcasting their dating profiles to the masses on frequented sites such as Tinder. With this need for privacy and discretion by their sugar baby members, Our Secret has made it easy to streamline the online dating process and help you find exactly the kind of sugar daddy relationship you’re looking for without all the fuss. Using all of the site’s features is totally free to sugar babies. Getting started and adding photos and videos of yourself is a cinch and can also be kept in a private album only available to those daddies that you give permission to, and with the majority of daddies on the site seeking a discreet arrangement, keeping your relationship on the down-low should never be an issue.

Membership TypePriceIntro$59.00 (100 credits)Elite$169.00 (500 credits)Best Value$289.00 (1,000 credits)

6.  Ashley Madison – Find a casual companion

Ashley Madison is the site that people hate admitting they love. Sure, it’s received some shady press over the years, but it works marvelously. Though linked to affairs, it’s a perfect site for those in open-relationships to find fun arrangements with other folks. It’s a completely open-minded and judgment-free space for people to explore sensual relationships.

What it’s like for daddies:

Ashley Madison can be used as a sugar site. It follows a credit-based payment structure that allows men to communicate with women. There’s nothing on Ashley Madison to weed out the sugar babies from the rest of them, so you’ll need to use the age preference feature to find the ladies and chat to see if they are interested. Women are free to join, making it a great breeding ground for relationships with younger college-age women.

What it’s like for babies:

Men on Ashley Madison are usually looking for excitement, and sugar babies know how to have fun. There are a lot of wealthy men looking for younger women on the site, so if you specify that you are looking to set up an arrangement, you’ll have no problem finding a handsome catch.

Want even more about Ashley Madison? Check out our full review.

7.  What’s Your Price – Bid on dates

On many sugar sites, the idea of an arrangement is implied but not always enforced. In other words, SDs don’t feel like spending or SBs ask for too much. On What’s Your Price, the intention is clear. It’s about an agreement or arrangement that works for both parties. What’s Your Price will set everyone up with their ideal situation so that the minutiae of finances don’t cloud the fun! And it was created by the established folks behind Seeking, so you know it’s legit.

What it’s like for daddies:

You will feel like you are shopping for gorgeous women through an online marketplace. We hate to boil it down to an online shopping experience, but that’s kind of how it works! You will be shown tons of ladies who have a price in mind. Then, you can bid on anyone you find attractive or worth your time. You can also send virtual gifts and make bids as low as $10. You don’t have to be “wealthy” to join.

What it’s like for the babies:

What’s Your Price puts you in total control, which is a nice alternative to the chaotic free-for-all approach that other sites have. The only negative to What’s Your Price is that there is a lot of competition. There are 3 million members and counting, which means that your ad is going to have to be competitive.

8.  Sugar Search – Check out “Members Currently Online” before chatting to avoid flakes

It’s just as it sounds. Sugar Search is an easy to use search engine to find a local sugar daddy.

Sugar Search only operates in a few cities. Sorry babies and daddies, if you’re not in NYC, Chicago, Los Angeles, Houston, Phoenix, San Antonio, or Philadelphia, this isn’t the site for you.

Sugar Search goes to admirable lengths to ensure all the accounts are legit. Some slip through the cracks, but the moderation team is pretty on top of it.

Best of all, the site has great customer service and makes it easy to cancel a membership if you’re over it.

What it’s like for daddies:

It’s a super simple sign up process for daddies. Fill in a few fields, verify some personal info, and you’re set. Sugar Search has a great daddy to baby ratio, so it shouldn’t be too hard to meet a baby. The chat feature is slick and easy to use. If you want your profile to appear toward the top of search results, opt for the Diamond Membership. It really does increase the amount and quality of matches.

What it’s like for the babies:

Babies, you won’t be disappointed. Sugar Search is the ultimate sugar daddy search tool if you’re in one of their cities. Sugar Search requires daddies to verify their personal information, so you won’t encounter too many fraudulent accounts. Do your own due diligence by chatting with a prospective daddy first. The sheer volume of options means you’ll likely connect with someone shortly after you sign up.

9.  Reddit (r/SugarBaby) – Top sugar forum

Reddit is a site that gets a ton of volume. As a general forum for a huge range of topics, people come to Reddit to get information about virtually anything you can think of. It works for sugaring, too, on the subreddits that are related to the subject. If you don’t already know, a subreddit is a specific message board. For the best sugar daddy action, visit the /r/SugarBaby board. We should also warn you that sexy photos flood the page!

What it’s like for daddies:

This subreddit has over 80K users, making it more intimate than most but still giving you a ton of options. The best part is that it’s one of the only free sugar daddy sites on this list. Men aren’t allowed to post, but you can browse through the photos and proposals of the women on the page.

What it’s like for the babies:

You can post on this forum photos and a description of your ideal relationship. If a guy sees you on the page and is interested in pursuing you, he will direct message you through the platform! To post, you will need to go through a verification process, but it’s not complicated.

10.  Elite Singles – Dating site for educated daddies and babies

Elite Singles was not designed specifically for sugaring. It’s a premium dating site that caters toward educated and successful individuals looking for someone who is like-minded. As a baby, you should be seeking something serious when you join Elite Singles. This site is made for real relationships, not a one-time hookup. A majority of the people on this site are college-educated, regardless of age, so that’s another thing to keep in mind.

What it’s like for daddies:

Elite Singles is ideal for the man (or woman) who is interested in meeting an intelligent, independent person to shower with affection or anything else. One of the best things about Elite Singles is that nobody is flakey. People are genuinely searching for their other half and they aren’t greedy for cash because they are successful themselves.

What it’s like for the babies:

This is an app best suited for the baby who isn’t just in this for the money. You don’t need to be wildly successful to get on Elite Singles, but you should have a semblance of independence and perhaps a college degree (or working towards one). This isn’t the quickest way to find a sugar daddy, but it is a place where you’ll meet successful people.

11.  Established Men – Great for long-term sugar dating

If you couldn’t gather from the name, Established Men is a dating site created for successful men looking for a relationship. Men who are established and wealthy often don’t find much time to date around. This site makes finding a partner very simple. It’s not a hookup site but rather a place that caters directly to wealthy guys who want a relationship. Though not exclusively for sugar relationships, women aren’t charged for a membership, making it feel like a free sugar daddy site for them.

What it’s like for daddies:

Established Men is not a free sugar dating site for men, but that shouldn’t be a problem if you are, in fact, established. Through the platform, you are able to send gifts and interact with the beautiful ladies that this website attracts. There are new members daily, so you’ll never run out of options!

What it’s like for babies:

Step into the world of Established Men. These are individuals who know their worth, so they might be tough to please. What’s nice about the site is that these guys aren’t expecting you to come to them with a set arrangement. They just want to spoil someone special with bags, shoes, and more.

12.  RichMeetBeautiful – Encrypted sugar daddy site

Contrary to popular belief, RichMeetBeautiful is not just for rich men. Anyone who is reasonably well off can still engage with beautiful men and women through the platform. It’s also one of the most secure sugar dating sites because it uses encryption security.

What it’s like for daddies:

RichMeetBeautiful claims to be rich in several ways: experience, romance, passion, style, and so on. It also explicitly says “no sugar dating” on the homepage. You’re probably asking yourself why it even made the list. It’s a site for successful individuals to meet one another through a scientific matchmaking algorithm. If you want to find a younger woman to spoil, you will absolutely be able to.

What it’s like for babies:

RichMeetsBeautiful is not explicitly for sugar dating. It is a site where you can converse with men who enjoy spoiling their significant others. It’s built for long-lasting relationships, so be prepared to meet people who want to find real love.

13.  Miss Travel – Best for the adventurous

Miss Travel puts an exciting spin on sugar dating. Rather than finding a companion locally, this site encourages people to find partners from places they’d love to travel to! It adds a whole new element to the fun of sugar dating, and women can join this site for free.

What it’s like for daddies:

SDs in open relationships or looking for fun outside of a relationship love to use this site while they travel for business. However, it’s also convenient for men who want foreign women to come to them. There are a ton of beautiful women who use Miss Travel because they are looking for an adventure with a well-to-do man.

What it’s like for babies:

Ever wanted to travel the world? This is one of the best ways to make that happen. The daddy you find will likely pay for the entire trip. There’s also an exciting “Create a Trip” feature that allows you to plan a wonderful vacation right there on the site.

14.  Wealthy Men – A no-frills approach to sugaring

Wealthy Men is the most straightforward sugar daddy website available to users, and it’s very reliable too. It promises young women that they will meet the wealthy man of their dreams. And, it has a guarantee for its paid members that they’ll find someone in three months. Members can rest assured that Wealthy Men will absolutely work for them.

What it’s like for daddies:

We’ll be honest: Wealthy Men does not make it that easy on the guys initially. You will have to prove that you make at least 85K by providing documentation stating so and comment on how much you’re willing to spend on a baby. While this is annoying, it maintains the integrity of the site.

What it’s like for babies:

This is one of the best sugar daddy sites out there. The financial aspect works in your favor. But you’ll want to pay for it, as the free version doesn’t allow for messaging.

15.  AgeMatch – Best for relationships with significant age gaps

AgeMatch doesn’t market itself as a sugar website. Instead of sugar daddies and young models, it pins itself as a dating platform for people with a very large age gap between them. This works for arrangements because most of the companionships on this site are between successful older men and stunning younger women.

What it’s like for daddies:

Some men don’t want arrangements and prefer the idea of spoiling someone who enjoys their company. For those types, AgeMatch is perfect. You will feel like you are on a real dating site and not a shady or seedy arrangement site, which is a nice alternative to the normal setup.

What it’s like for babies:

The expected age gap works in your favor, but the fact that sugaring is more implied than explicit does not. You won’t be asked about your preferred arrangement. However, there are plenty of wonderful successful older men at your disposal and you are welcome to present them with your terms.

16.  Sudy – A sugaring mobile app

Sudy is a fantastic app in terms of usability. It functions really well and is set up in such a way that makes it easy to meet someone new. There are some things about Sudy that aren’t perfect, which is why it’s at the bottom of our list, but it’s certainly a great option for someone who would rather use their phone than a desktop to find a date.

What it’s like for the daddies:

To join, you’ll need to make over 200K. Once you verify this, you will be introduced to the world of beautiful ladies (there’s a 4:1 male to female ratio). Gorgeous women like to know that you make enough to entertain them, so the verification works in your favor. Sources report having trouble deleting their profiles though, so that might be a turn-off for you.

What it’s like for babies:

There are more women than men, which means it’s competitive. But at the same time, Sudy is also very safe. The Sudy staff work tirelessly to moderate the platform and remove suspicious or fake profiles.

17.  SugarBook – Great for alternative arrangements

Sometimes arrangements aren’t all money-based. There are ambitious women (or guys) out there who desire connections, advice, opportunities, and financial help. Sources say that SugarBook is ideal for that type of relationship with a sugar mama or sugar daddy because each interaction begins by laying out expectations for one another.

What it’s like for daddies:

You will need to verify your income before getting accepted to SugarBook. This is technically a free sugar daddy site for men, but the premium option will show you many more profiles. We’ll admit that it’s limited on the free side.

What it’s like for babies:

You can join for free or pay for more features, that’s totally up to you. Try the free version first, though, because the features just include access to more daddies and a more specific search. You might find what you’re looking for on the free version alone. You’ll have a chance to create a profile where you can explain what you’re interested in.

How  To Be A Good Sugar Daddy

Don’t be stingy – If you want to be a sugar daddy, then you have to be prepared to give a little—okay, a lot—of “sugar.” In other words, you’re going to have to open up that wallet and be generous, giving without necessarily expecting much in return. This is your part of the deal as a sugar daddy. 
Have fun – Surprise gifts, dinners, trips, etc. are a way to inject some fun into your life and the life of your sugar baby. The more you treat it from a light and laidback standpoint the better.
Don’t obsess – Sugar babies will get turned off if you’re super obsessive and act like you’re deeply in love. This is supposed to be a casual relationship where you spoil them, not something meant to last a lifetime like a conventional serious relationship. 
Be transparent – If you only want sugar babies who will have intimate relations with you, then you better make that clear upfront. There are many sugar relationships that don’t get very physical, and the last thing you want is to get rejected after you’ve gotten your expectations up. Being clear from the start saves everyone time and hurt feelings. 
Be smart – As a wealthy person, you may have a significant public profile. Discretion is highly important. Don’t send compromising pictures or messages of yourself unless you’re absolutely sure that you trust this person. In general, be discreet, or else you may seriously regret it.  

How To Be A Good Sugar Baby

Try to be engaging – A sugar daddy wants you to act like he’s the most interesting person in the world. He doesn’t want to spend time and money on you only to have you stare at your phone or ignore him.  
Watch your physique – Although it depends on the daddy, many of them are superficial. Your physique will be an important feature drawing these daddies in, and so it’s important to maintain.  
Don’t be a headache – Sugar daddies generally want something light, playful, and fun. They’re looking for a distraction from work stress or simply a good time. If you are constantly overdramatic, emotional, etc. they will be turned off and want to end the relationship. 
Be funny – Everyone loves to laugh. And while it’s important that you laugh at your sugar daddy’s jokes, it really helps if you can make them laugh as well. 
Be up for anything – It’s totally fine to have your limits as a sugar baby, and you should think about what those are ahead of time. But the more you can be “up for anything,” the better. Sugar daddies often love to be spontaneous and spoil their babies almost randomly. So, the more you’re game for surprise gifts and trips, the better.  

Have Questions About Sugar Daddies and Babies? Here Are Some FAQs

What Does a Sugar Daddy Do?

A sugar daddy’s role is relatively simple. His “job” consists essentially in using his wealth to spoil the sugar baby. This might include fancy dinners, high-end alcohol, even vacations all around the world. In return, the sugar daddy expects a certain degree of companionship. 

Where Can I Find a Sugar Baby?

Finding a sugar baby is basically the same process as finding a sugar daddy. You simply need to leverage the sites and apps that exist specifically to unite would-be sugar babies with sugar daddies. One of the best sites for this is Seeking, though there are many others (the reviews for which you can see in the above article). 

What Does a Sugar Baby Do?

A sugar baby simply provides companionship to a sugar daddy. In exchange for being spoiled and receiving gifts, dinners, vacations, etc., a sugar baby is expected to provide companionship and affection to the sugar daddy. This isn’t necessarily always sexual, as that depends on the sugar daddy and the terms that you establish. It’s a good idea to be upfront about expectations from the get-go to ensure that everything goes smoothly. 

Is It Ok to Have a Sugar Daddy?

Some people may be wondering if it’s morally okay to have a sugar daddy. Well, that depends. Is the sugar daddy married with kids and doing this on the side without anyone knowing? That’s definitely a questionable thing to do morally speaking. But if no one else is at risk of being hurt by the relationship, and everything is consensual, then it’s perfectly okay to have a sugar daddy. 

Are Sugar Daddy Sites Legit?

Sugar daddy sites can definitely be legit. That said, sugar relationships have become more popular and so many sites have popped up lately. Not all of them are legitimate, so it’s important to be careful. A good idea would be to stick with the sites reviewed above, especially the biggest and most well-established ones. 

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Credit: Courtesy Duke University Press

“We go to the playground in search of our fathers. We didn’t find them but we found a game and the game served as a daddy of sorts,” the novelist John Edgar Wideman wrote in his book Hoop Roots. This quote is a fitting epigraph for Thomas Beller’s Lost in the Game: A Book about Basketball, a nonfiction collection of essays by a New York City kid who lost his father at the age of nine and found meaning and lessons on manhood through the sport.

Lost in the Game includes several humorous, psychologically probing profiles of the NBA’s biggest luminaries—Kyrie Irving of the Dallas Mavericks, Anthony Davis of the Los Angeles Lakers, and Zion Williamson of the New Orleans Pelicans, to name but a few—but also of some of its obscure, near-forgotten players, like Bol Bol of the Orlando Magic and Kerry Kittles, a pre-Brooklyn New Jersey Net. 

“The Jokić Files” merits mention for anyone who even casually follows the NBA. These “files” contain precise descriptions of the Joker’s hands, gait, and nose as if his physical traits could be broken down and added back up into the basketball oddity that the pudgy, almost seven-foot, two-time–MVP-winning Serbian is. 

Unfortunately for fans of the hapless Bulls, this collection contains no elaborate descriptions of DeMar DeRozan’s inestimable pull-up jumpers from either elbow or his slinking drives to the basket that defense stoppers nevertheless fail to block or disrupt. 

Nor does it dwell much on the college or high school game, although there is brief mention of Beller playing Division III basketball at Vassar and at a private school while growing up in New York City. 

Beyond the NBA chapters, what is of most interest for those of us past our primes or, at the very least, no longer full of hoop dreams, are his tales of being a “late bloomer,” someone who came into his own only as an adult, and for his attention to the peculiar lingo and unspoken rules of street basketball.

The first thing I did when I moved to Chicago during the pandemic was search out the nearest basketball hoop. The ones at Kozminski Community Academy nearest my apartment were shorn of their rims—they still are—the white backboards attached to long gray poles looked like enormous metal swans with their orange beaks removed. 

Beller writes about playing on a court in New Orleans in the early days of the pandemic just like Kozminski, where he plunked shots off the backboard, imagining that a hoop and net were there. That, for me, is a cheap facsimile of what it’s like to shoot. But maybe if I had been desperate enough, I would have too.

Instead, I found courts, rims miraculously intact, at the playground on 49th Street and Drexel Avenue, with the vibrant mural by Bernard Williams dedicated to the civil rights leader Rev. Jessie “Ma” Houston as a backdrop. 

The Loyola Park basketball court in Rogers Park without rims in August 2018. Credit: Alison Saldanha

Fortunately for Chicagoans, Mayor Lightfoot only shut down courts on the lakefront during the pandemic, and select wards had rims removed by order of their respective alderpeople, unlike in New York City, where the Parks District disabled 138 rims to discourage people from gathering to play or even shoot around. 

Games on that court during the summer of 2020 featured an eclectic, unlikely mix of folks, young kids like Shaggy and gray beards like David from the adjacent housing projects as well as undergraduates and staff from the university in Hyde Park. Every day there were full-court, five-on-five games, with guys milling around on the sidelines waiting for next.

About the dynamics of outdoor basketball, which apply equally well to my experience in Chicago, Beller writes, “It wasn’t personal, but it was. It wasn’t racial, but it was, a little. It was about talent but also about physical grace and personal style . . . Street ball is a place where triumphs and defeats are only partly about basketball.”

As I’m guessing it was for many, basketball was a lifeline for me during that period of social isolation and physical inactivity. 

“Like a heavy drinker attuned to the moment in the afternoon when it is acceptable to make the first drink, my afternoons were—and are—always punctuated by a moment when I am suddenly aware that going to play basketball is an option,” Beller writes. These words capture something I have long felt, including that summer.

My basketball education came on the asphalt courts of New York and San Francisco, where I played almost every day from June through August. In those pickup games at Riverside Park and the Panhandle, I was fouled hard and smacked down many times while going for a layup or a rebound, got up bleeding from my chin or mouth, with jammed fingers or skinned knees, but, nevertheless, kept running and hustling until the game was through. And I kept coming back for more, some insane, masochistic impulse driving me.

A more positive spin to my basketball passion has been its role as a source of male bonding. I’ve made lifelong friends, one after an intense mano a mano game against a guy from my freshman dorm, played in the middle of a furious downpour from Hurricane Sandy, and another by simply showing up one day to play at a sandy gym in the middle of the Moroccan desert when I was serving in the Peace Corps.

This past summer, Coach “Tree,” a two-time Illinois state championship-winning assistant coach for Hales Franciscan High School, with the rings to back it up, approached me while I was shooting on a half-court riven with cracks outside Ray Elementary on 57th Street. 

He talked my ear off from the get-go about the history of Chicago basketball. 

Because I grew up there, I knew a bit of New York’s history, but I knew next to nothing about the Windy City’s storied past. Tree filled me in. 

The world-famous Harlem Globetrotters originally hailed not from the streets north of Central Park but from the south side of Chicago, playing at the Savoy Ballroom, a crowd-pleasing prelude to the dances hosted there. 

“Look that up if you don’t believe me,” Tree said. 

I did. He wasn’t kidding.

Tree learned how to shoot not on a flawless hardwood indoor court like the hoopers of this generation but on the fenced-in court on the west side of Washington Park.

There he played with the likes of Mel Davis and Porter Meriwether, guys who had their summers off from pro ball, worked a second job during the off-season, and came to the courts to teach kids like Tree the ins and outs of the game.

That said, the state of pickup basketball is perhaps on the decline, at least according to Beller’s and my own limited observations. 

The culprits: gentrification, the pre-professionalization of the sport (there’s money made in organized basketball, whereas there’s none in street ball), the lure of sports like soccer or video games, and the dangers outside of gun violence or police brutality for young men of color.

For lovers of the game, that’s a tragedy. 

What was once normal in places like Chicago, New York City, San Francisco—where all-time greats like Isiah Thomas, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Bill Russell practiced their skills on outdoor courts for all to see and for those foolhardy enough to compete against—is today unimaginable.

And with the commodification of exercise, meaning indoor recreation spaces for only those who can afford it, and public school closures leaving once teeming gyms vacant, it may be getting harder for young people without the means to find spaces to pick up the game.

Few, if any, will reach the summit of the sport and go pro, but if Beller, Tree, or I offer an example, perhaps they’ll find a lifelong passion that cuts across racial, cultural, and generational divides. 

Lost in the Game: A Book about Basketball by Thomas Beller Duke University Press, paperback, 240 pp., $22.95, dukeupress.edu

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UPDATE as of Sat 2/11/2023, 5:00 PM: Anatomy of Habit had to drop off the bill for tonight’s Cobra Lounge show due to illness, but will reschedule sometime in the future. Kill Scenes and Twice Dark will still be performing. Refunds are available at point of purchase.

Chicago band Anatomy of Habit have been around in various forms since 2008, sporadically releasing music that hammers together metal, industrial, postrock, avant-garde composition, and more. Originally a sort of floating supergroup with no fixed lineup, in the past few years they’ve solidified into a steady quintet around founder and front man Mark Solotroff. The band’s new fourth full-length, Black Openings (due February 24), recorded with Sanford Parker, features the same lineup as its predecessor, 2021’s Even If It Takes a Lifetime: guitarist Alex Latus, drummer Skyler Rowe, percussionist Isidro Reyes, and bassist and lap-steel player Sam Wagster. 

The moody 18-minute title track starts the record with a slinky, rolling pulse. Rowe’s drums and Reyes’s percussion drive a buildup that sets the stage for the first appearance of Solotroff’s vocals. From there, it’s a long, lovely journey that you can settle into, trusting that you’ll be alternately unsettled, soothed, creeped out, pummeled, and exalted, but never bored. In its harrowing climax, Solotroff screams, ”Remaining faceless / Slipping into a persona,” against militant percussion that sounds as if it’s beating his voice into a pulp.

The second and third tracks are both more than nine minutes long, allowing the band space to explore the full potential of each composition. “Formal Consequences” provides a bit of respite with its dreamy, gothic feel and slightly askew atmosphere of ominous melancholy. Sheets of shimmering guitars appear like torrential rains, giving way to a quiet interlude and a sinister sense of ritual catharsis. The bitter, biting “Breathing Through Bones,” the first song released from the album, evokes the loss and grief of a doomed romance, ending with a heavy slam of sound that’s drawn out to a clanging quiet. This show is a release party for Black Openings, and it features opening sets from dreamy local darkwave outfit Kill Scenes and Indiana goth project Twice Dark.

Anatomy of Habit Kill Scenes and Twice Dark open. Sat 2/11, 7 PM, Cobra Lounge, 235 N. Ashland, $12.36, 17+

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Credit: Courtesy Duke University Press

“We go to the playground in search of our fathers. We didn’t find them but we found a game and the game served as a daddy of sorts,” the novelist John Edgar Wideman wrote in his book Hoop Roots. This quote is a fitting epigraph for Thomas Beller’s Lost in the Game: A Book about Basketball, a nonfiction collection of essays by a New York City kid who lost his father at the age of nine and found meaning and lessons on manhood through the sport.

Lost in the Game includes several humorous, psychologically probing profiles of the NBA’s biggest luminaries—Kyrie Irving of the Dallas Mavericks, Anthony Davis of the Los Angeles Lakers, and Zion Williamson of the New Orleans Pelicans, to name but a few—but also of some of its obscure, near-forgotten players, like Bol Bol of the Orlando Magic and Kerry Kittles, a pre-Brooklyn New Jersey Net. 

“The Jokić Files” merits mention for anyone who even casually follows the NBA. These “files” contain precise descriptions of the Joker’s hands, gait, and nose as if his physical traits could be broken down and added back up into the basketball oddity that the pudgy, almost seven-foot, two-time–MVP-winning Serbian is. 

Unfortunately for fans of the hapless Bulls, this collection contains no elaborate descriptions of DeMar DeRozan’s inestimable pull-up jumpers from either elbow or his slinking drives to the basket that defense stoppers nevertheless fail to block or disrupt. 

Nor does it dwell much on the college or high school game, although there is brief mention of Beller playing Division III basketball at Vassar and at a private school while growing up in New York City. 

Beyond the NBA chapters, what is of most interest for those of us past our primes or, at the very least, no longer full of hoop dreams, are his tales of being a “late bloomer,” someone who came into his own only as an adult, and for his attention to the peculiar lingo and unspoken rules of street basketball.

The first thing I did when I moved to Chicago during the pandemic was search out the nearest basketball hoop. The ones at Kozminski Community Academy nearest my apartment were shorn of their rims—they still are—the white backboards attached to long gray poles looked like enormous metal swans with their orange beaks removed. 

Beller writes about playing on a court in New Orleans in the early days of the pandemic just like Kozminski, where he plunked shots off the backboard, imagining that a hoop and net were there. That, for me, is a cheap facsimile of what it’s like to shoot. But maybe if I had been desperate enough, I would have too.

Instead, I found courts, rims miraculously intact, at the playground on 49th Street and Drexel Avenue, with the vibrant mural by Bernard Williams dedicated to the civil rights leader Rev. Jessie “Ma” Houston as a backdrop. 

The Loyola Park basketball court in Rogers Park without rims in August 2018. Credit: Alison Saldanha

Fortunately for Chicagoans, Mayor Lightfoot only shut down courts on the lakefront during the pandemic, and select wards had rims removed by order of their respective alderpeople, unlike in New York City, where the Parks District disabled 138 rims to discourage people from gathering to play or even shoot around. 

Games on that court during the summer of 2020 featured an eclectic, unlikely mix of folks, young kids like Shaggy and gray beards like David from the adjacent housing projects as well as undergraduates and staff from the university in Hyde Park. Every day there were full-court, five-on-five games, with guys milling around on the sidelines waiting for next.

About the dynamics of outdoor basketball, which apply equally well to my experience in Chicago, Beller writes, “It wasn’t personal, but it was. It wasn’t racial, but it was, a little. It was about talent but also about physical grace and personal style . . . Street ball is a place where triumphs and defeats are only partly about basketball.”

As I’m guessing it was for many, basketball was a lifeline for me during that period of social isolation and physical inactivity. 

“Like a heavy drinker attuned to the moment in the afternoon when it is acceptable to make the first drink, my afternoons were—and are—always punctuated by a moment when I am suddenly aware that going to play basketball is an option,” Beller writes. These words capture something I have long felt, including that summer.

My basketball education came on the asphalt courts of New York and San Francisco, where I played almost every day from June through August. In those pickup games at Riverside Park and the Panhandle, I was fouled hard and smacked down many times while going for a layup or a rebound, got up bleeding from my chin or mouth, with jammed fingers or skinned knees, but, nevertheless, kept running and hustling until the game was through. And I kept coming back for more, some insane, masochistic impulse driving me.

A more positive spin to my basketball passion has been its role as a source of male bonding. I’ve made lifelong friends, one after an intense mano a mano game against a guy from my freshman dorm, played in the middle of a furious downpour from Hurricane Sandy, and another by simply showing up one day to play at a sandy gym in the middle of the Moroccan desert when I was serving in the Peace Corps.

This past summer, Coach “Tree,” a two-time Illinois state championship-winning assistant coach for Hales Franciscan High School, with the rings to back it up, approached me while I was shooting on a half-court riven with cracks outside Ray Elementary on 57th Street. 

He talked my ear off from the get-go about the history of Chicago basketball. 

Because I grew up there, I knew a bit of New York’s history, but I knew next to nothing about the Windy City’s storied past. Tree filled me in. 

The world-famous Harlem Globetrotters originally hailed not from the streets north of Central Park but from the south side of Chicago, playing at the Savoy Ballroom, a crowd-pleasing prelude to the dances hosted there. 

“Look that up if you don’t believe me,” Tree said. 

I did. He wasn’t kidding.

Tree learned how to shoot not on a flawless hardwood indoor court like the hoopers of this generation but on the fenced-in court on the west side of Washington Park.

There he played with the likes of Mel Davis and Porter Meriwether, guys who had their summers off from pro ball, worked a second job during the off-season, and came to the courts to teach kids like Tree the ins and outs of the game.

That said, the state of pickup basketball is perhaps on the decline, at least according to Beller’s and my own limited observations. 

The culprits: gentrification, the pre-professionalization of the sport (there’s money made in organized basketball, whereas there’s none in street ball), the lure of sports like soccer or video games, and the dangers outside of gun violence or police brutality for young men of color.

For lovers of the game, that’s a tragedy. 

What was once normal in places like Chicago, New York City, San Francisco—where all-time greats like Isiah Thomas, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Bill Russell practiced their skills on outdoor courts for all to see and for those foolhardy enough to compete against—is today unimaginable.

And with the commodification of exercise, meaning indoor recreation spaces for only those who can afford it, and public school closures leaving once teeming gyms vacant, it may be getting harder for young people without the means to find spaces to pick up the game.

Few, if any, will reach the summit of the sport and go pro, but if Beller, Tree, or I offer an example, perhaps they’ll find a lifelong passion that cuts across racial, cultural, and generational divides. 

Lost in the Game: A Book about Basketball by Thomas Beller Duke University Press, paperback, 240 pp., $22.95, dukeupress.edu

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UPDATE as of Sat 2/11/2023, 5:00 PM: Anatomy of Habit had to drop off the bill for tonight’s Cobra Lounge show due to illness, but will reschedule sometime in the future. Kill Scenes and Twice Dark will still be performing. Refunds are available at point of purchase.

Chicago band Anatomy of Habit have been around in various forms since 2008, sporadically releasing music that hammers together metal, industrial, postrock, avant-garde composition, and more. Originally a sort of floating supergroup with no fixed lineup, in the past few years they’ve solidified into a steady quintet around founder and front man Mark Solotroff. The band’s new fourth full-length, Black Openings (due February 24), recorded with Sanford Parker, features the same lineup as its predecessor, 2021’s Even If It Takes a Lifetime: guitarist Alex Latus, drummer Skyler Rowe, percussionist Isidro Reyes, and bassist and lap-steel player Sam Wagster. 

The moody 18-minute title track starts the record with a slinky, rolling pulse. Rowe’s drums and Reyes’s percussion drive a buildup that sets the stage for the first appearance of Solotroff’s vocals. From there, it’s a long, lovely journey that you can settle into, trusting that you’ll be alternately unsettled, soothed, creeped out, pummeled, and exalted, but never bored. In its harrowing climax, Solotroff screams, ”Remaining faceless / Slipping into a persona,” against militant percussion that sounds as if it’s beating his voice into a pulp.

The second and third tracks are both more than nine minutes long, allowing the band space to explore the full potential of each composition. “Formal Consequences” provides a bit of respite with its dreamy, gothic feel and slightly askew atmosphere of ominous melancholy. Sheets of shimmering guitars appear like torrential rains, giving way to a quiet interlude and a sinister sense of ritual catharsis. The bitter, biting “Breathing Through Bones,” the first song released from the album, evokes the loss and grief of a doomed romance, ending with a heavy slam of sound that’s drawn out to a clanging quiet. This show is a release party for Black Openings, and it features opening sets from dreamy local darkwave outfit Kill Scenes and Indiana goth project Twice Dark.

Anatomy of Habit Kill Scenes and Twice Dark open. Sat 2/11, 7 PM, Cobra Lounge, 235 N. Ashland, $12.36, 17+

Read More

There’s a quiet poeticness to cover subject Diana Solís’ work. The Mexico-born photographer prefers for her stills to do the talking, and doesn’t fuss about whatever recognition her pieces might garner. Being fixated on her work leaves little room for, as she puts it, adding too much crema to her tacos.

Learning more about the Pilsen resident’s approach, I see distinct parallels between her and our exiting publisher Tracy Baim. There are a lot of good things to say about Baim and her leadership, which effectively saved this publication from shuttering. Certainly more than could ever fit in this space. The thing is, Tracy wouldn’t want for that to be my focus.

She wasn’t out for laurels in the fall of 2018 when she joined the Reader when it was at the precipice of a shutdown; a year later when she fought to reshape the operation into a nonprofit; or during a global health crisis that, along with irreplaceable human loss, saw our industry decimated. Through it all, Baim admirably kept the ship afloat, and launched as many diversified products as she could muster: Camping mugs! Cookbooks! A coloring book! And just about anything else you could think of. It was our “dancing for dollars” phase, as she calls it.

Our little jig era gave us another industry-wide distinction, as no staffers were laid off during the pandemic.

Last summer, when I first started flirting with this job, Baim announced her plans to step down. Being aware of her reputation, and having worked under some publishers who can be described as questionable at best, I had but one question for her during our initial chat: “Is there anything I can do to keep you onboard longer?” She turned me down with a polite chuckle. She felt her job was done, and it was time for new blood to take charge. That’s another thing you don’t see very often among media types—knowing when to step aside in order to give space to someone else. That’s another common thread shared with Solís, who also works as an educator to inspire youth and immigrant families to create art from their distinct point of view.

Enter Solomon Lieberman, whose dynamic point of view will aid in ushering in a new Reader era. “It connects my entire life at this chapter,” Lieberman said of his new role during a recent WBEZ interview.

Welcome to the team, Solomon. You have big shoes to fill. Sensible Skechers to be exact.

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There’s a quiet poeticness to cover subject Diana Solís’ work. The Mexico-born photographer prefers for her stills to do the talking, and doesn’t fuss about whatever recognition her pieces might garner. Being fixated on her work leaves little room for, as she puts it, adding too much crema to her tacos.

Learning more about the Pilsen resident’s approach, I see distinct parallels between her and our exiting publisher Tracy Baim. There are a lot of good things to say about Baim and her leadership, which effectively saved this publication from shuttering. Certainly more than could ever fit in this space. The thing is, Tracy wouldn’t want for that to be my focus.

She wasn’t out for laurels in the fall of 2018 when she joined the Reader when it was at the precipice of a shutdown; a year later when she fought to reshape the operation into a nonprofit; or during a global health crisis that, along with irreplaceable human loss, saw our industry decimated. Through it all, Baim admirably kept the ship afloat, and launched as many diversified products as she could muster: Camping mugs! Cookbooks! A coloring book! And just about anything else you could think of. It was our “dancing for dollars” phase, as she calls it.

Our little jig era gave us another industry-wide distinction, as no staffers were laid off during the pandemic.

Last summer, when I first started flirting with this job, Baim announced her plans to step down. Being aware of her reputation, and having worked under some publishers who can be described as questionable at best, I had but one question for her during our initial chat: “Is there anything I can do to keep you onboard longer?” She turned me down with a polite chuckle. She felt her job was done, and it was time for new blood to take charge. That’s another thing you don’t see very often among media types—knowing when to step aside in order to give space to someone else. That’s another common thread shared with Solís, who also works as an educator to inspire youth and immigrant families to create art from their distinct point of view.

Enter Solomon Lieberman, whose dynamic point of view will aid in ushering in a new Reader era. “It connects my entire life at this chapter,” Lieberman said of his new role during a recent WBEZ interview.

Welcome to the team, Solomon. You have big shoes to fill. Sensible Skechers to be exact.

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