Whooo R U?

My last vanity plates said just that. Not for The Who song, or the show CSI. I simply liked the existential question.

It’s a good question; there are so many ways to self-identify. Race, gender, gender predilection, neighborhood, religion, profession, financial status, political bent and/or my favorite – ethnic heritage. We live in a big, ol’ melting pot here in America and it fascinates me.

As it happens, I am an American Of Italian Descent (AOID).

I’m not Italian-American, Italo-American, or American/Italian; I’m simply an American-born gal whose ancestors hailed from that fine country shaped like the boot of a dominatrix.

(In case you are wondering, I am also not a wop, dago, spaghetti-bender, greaseball, guinea, goombah or Eyetie.  Unless you enjoy being kicked in the kiwis or whacked in the head with a heavy purse, leave the ethnic slurs back at your cave.)

I identify first as a female American, and given the horrid plight of womanhood in so much of the world, I’m truly grateful to have been born here.

But my “Italian” peeks out now and then, like a lacy, red bra strap.

First, here’s how it doesn’t show:  I’ve never worn a gold horn or evil eye on my person, never dated a gavone in one of those white satin “Italian Stallion” jackets.  I’ve never danced the tarantella or bought a pasta-making device. I pronounce mozzarella and salami with ending vowels intact, so as not to sound like an extra from Goodfellows.  I’ve never dyed my hair platinum nor teased it to Tower-of-Pisa heights.  I do not wear gold lamé.  I have never stomped a grape. No one in my family is in the Mafia, although I did sit next to Tony Accardo at a wake when I was seven, and I had a ballsy aunt who once insulted Momo Giancana’s suit in a bar and lived to tell the tale.

No, my Italian comes out in other ways.  Like love of the arts.  I’m so easily brought to tears by feats of grace.  I wept before Chagall’s America Windows at the Art Institute.  I wept the first (and second and third) time I saw Baryshnikov dance.  I cried every time I heard Pavarotti sing a note (the power!)  I cried when Sonny Corleone bought it on the causeway in The Godfather.  I cried when Don Corleone croaked in his garden in front of his little grandson in The Godfather.  I cried when Michael Corleone had (his own brother!) Fredo killed in The Godfather Part II. Pretty much, don’t accompany me to a film, opera or ballet unless you have many handkerchiefs on your person.

I’m also an AOID in my complete inability to speak if I sit on my hands, my zaftig figure, my Roman nose (thanks, Pop!), my love of all things tomato (my ex-husband used to say that in my family, tomato sauce was a beverage), gorgonzola & olive oil and my abiding adoration of Sophia Loren.  (That, my friends, is a woman.  Even now.  I met Sophia at a book signing in the 1980’s – she was on a raised dais, resplendent in a white suit and red satin blouse. Cheekbones for days. Gorgeous beyond comprehension.)

When you’re an AOID, a majority of your life revolves around food. Invariably, in the planning of any wedding, parole-granting or funeral, the primary question is, “what about THE FOOD?”  The Food in an AOID household is a living, breathing entity and is never taken lightly. 

Both of my dear Italian grandmothers had two kitchens – one upstairs where it’s supposed to be, and one in the basement.  The kitchen-kitchen was used only for routine weekday cooking.  The basement kitchen was really equipped and used for the heavy-duty, industrial preparation required when “company” was coming.  My Nonnie had pasta pots the size of satellite dishes.  I have no idea how she lifted them to drain the pasta.  I mean, she was three feet wide and 4-foot-8!  Her serving platters were the size of canoes.  The only squid (calamari) larger than the ones Nonnie purchased were those filmed by Jacques Cousteau. (Nonnie was really into calamari.  In her dotage, apropos of nothing, she once blurted out, “You know, you can’t get the big squid anymore.”   We nearly fell off the plastic-covered couch laughing!)

Speaking of fish, I never saw a turkey or a ham at Christmas until I cooked for my own family.  Christmas Eve was Fish-a-Palooza – every kid’s dream – calamari and oysters and baccala (look it up; I’m busy).  Of course, there also was pasta, but not with tomato “gravy” (BTW, no AOID calls marinara “sauce” – or marinara, for that matter – it’s always gravy); we had spaghetti Alle Noci, with a toasted walnut/garlic breadcrumb topping (which is sublime, actually).  Something about having to be meatless for Catholic purposes, although I’m sure the priests at St. Vito’s were sneakin’ in the meatballs.

Christmas Day, it was lasagna, bragiola (rolled-up flank steak with a tasty filling, such as breadcrumbs, hard-cooked egg, cheeses and parsley), meatballs and Italian sausage in “gravy,” and 14 lbs. of side-dish spaghetti in a canoe-platter.  The lone vegetable was, grudgingly, broccoli – cooked to a near-pulp and drowned in olive oil and garlic.  Al dente was strictly for pasta, I guess.

Thus, not too many AOID’s are super-skinny.  We’re generally short and gravity-challenged.  Cute as hell (!), but un-tall.  My brother, at just under 6’, was the family Amazon.  He towered over my Dad and my uncles, which was no big whoop, as they were 5-foot-7, max.  At 5’5”, I was the second-tallest girl in the family; one aunt used to tell me I should model.  Of course, she was 3-foot-9.

So, my babies – whooo are you?  Do you cotton to your ethnic heritage? Leave a comment or e-mail me with tales of your eth-centricities, and I’ll run them in an upcoming post.

Until them, Ciao Bellas!

P.S. Some of you may recall that I am also 7% Jewish. A nice combo, like an Italian beef & sawzeech sangwich!

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Tank-a U for reading! Cheers, jeers, love letters or advice to:  [email protected]

Inclusion is not just a buzzword for our family. As the mother of four daughters, one with severe bilateral hearing loss, we are well aware of what the challenges children faced with dealing with special needs. 

When our family learned of the American Girl of the Year Joss, we were excited. Joss is an amazing new addition to the American Girl Doll Family for a number of reasons, but mainly for our family, her hearing device means so much. Ever since I walked out of the hospital with my daughter Taylor, I wanted a good life for my daughter despite her circumstances.

Besides her hearing loss, my Taylor also has cognitive delays and is not a typical 20 year old. When she was 17 years old we started a yearly tradition of celebrating her birthday at American Girl’s Cafe. She looks forward to this yearly tradition, and now she has the opportunity to feel more included with the release of the Joss doll. It allows her to bond with her sister Ella, a typical 6 year old, who also loves American Girl.

Inclusion is not just a buzzword for our family. It is an intentional way of life that we have to execute daily for our special needs daughter. When I first gave birth to Taylor, I didn’t know that she would be the only child for a number of years, but now that she has siblings, it is a masterful art of including her siblings into her communication pattern, without over taxing our only daughter that is verbal. 

American Girl, the inspiring world of dolls, Girl of the Year ™ , Joss Kendrick. ™ Joss — a fierce athlete born with hearing loss and a passion for surfing and competitive cheer — joins American Girl’s lineup of inspirational characters who impart meaningful life lessons to help girls learn and grow with confidence. Whether she’s on her surfboard or in the gym, Joss shows girls the importance of trying new things, pushing past stereotypes, and being a good team player.

To celebrate the new Girl of the Year, American Girl is teaming up with 17-year-old surfing prodigy Caroline Marks, as she prepares to make history next summer as a member of the first-ever U.S. Women’s Olympic surfing team. “I’m so excited to be a part of the Joss launch and share her message that passion and hard work can really take a girl places—even to the Olympics,” said Marks.

“American Girl has a rich legacy of creating timeless characters who encourage girls to reach for new heights and discover who they’re meant to be,” said Jamie Cygielman, General Manager of American Girl. “We’re proud to welcome Joss Kendrick, whose stories are sure to instill confidence and character in girls who are learning to think about the possibilities in their own lives. Working with Olympic hopeful surfer Caroline Marks adds real-world inspiration about what can happen when you go ‘all in’ on your dreams.”

When the surf’s up, Joss loves to catch the waves any chance she can get. When she accepts her brother’s dare to try out for the competitive cheer team, Joss figures it’ll be easy. But instead of pom-poms and chants, Joss is surprised to see daring pyramids, flips, and jumps, and realizes the first rule of surfing—give respect to get respect—applies in the gym as well. By going all-in with cheer, Joss reaches new heights and discovers a whole new side of herself.

Joss comes to life through a beautiful 18-inch doll with long brown hair and brown eyes. She arrives wearing a swimsuit, hoodie, and shorts, plus a removable hearing aid in her right ear. Other Joss products include a surfboard and swim gear, cheer outfits and equipment—including a cheer backpack, slides, and competition shoes in partnership with Nfinity ® —and her talented English bulldog, Murph the Surf Dog. And coming this spring, American Girl, in partnership with

Volkswagen Accessories, will debut Joss’s Volkswagen Surf Bus, which comes fully stocked with more than 50 components, including a storage bench that folds into a bed, a pop-up stove, and a fold-out table. The surf bus also features working headlights, turn signals, windshield wipers, and a radio, plus sounds for the horn and ignition.

Girls can tune into a weekly online series, “Meet Joss,” plus view Joss-inspired music videos, DIY crafts, doll hair features, and other videos throughout the year on the brand’s popular YouTube Kids Channel 

A dedicated Joss play site offers girls free book excerpts, games and quizzes, wallpaper, and much more.

In honor of Joss, American Girl is proud to partner with Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA), the nation’s leading nonprofit representing people with hearing loss, with a $25,000 donation to support the organization’s education and awareness programs. American Girl is also supporting HLAA’s 2020 Walk4Hearing. Celebrating its 15 th year, the Walk4Hearing brings families together across the US to encourage hearing health and living well with hearing loss. And, from

January 1, 2020 through the end of the year, the company will collect donations for HLAA at americangirl.com and at American Girl stores nationwide.

March is Women’s History Month. The Book Stall in Winnetka is celebrating by featuring a local woman writer every day. Who will be featured next? Find out on Facebook and Twitter.

Following is just a fraction of the unique events happening at every independent Chicago bookstore this week. Please visit the store sites for more and confirm all details before leaving home. Most events are free, but some require registration.

MONDAY, MARCH 2

Book of the Month Club at Volumes Bookcafé, 6:30 p.m. March selection: The Book of X.

TUESDAY, MARCH 3

826CHI’s Books & Brews 2020 at Lagunitas Brewing Company, 5:30 p.m. Pairing Lagunitas beers with books written by 826CHI students. 826CHI is headquartered at the Secret Agency Supply Co. bookstore. Evening’s proceeds will allow Chicago teens to publish memoirs and attend Word Lab summer camp. Drop-in event. Come any time.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4

Justin Dean at The Book Stall, 4:30 p .m. “Write and illustrate funny stories” workshop with author/illustrator Justin Dean. Ages 7 and up.  Justin Dean’s Awesome Dog 5000 vs. Mayor Bossypants is out this week!

Erik Larson, 7:00 p.m. Sponsored by Anderson’s Bookshops. An evening with the bestselling author of Devil in the White City and most recently, The Splendid and The Vile. Event takes place at North Central College in Naperville. Presentation, Q&A, and book signing

THURSDAY, MARCH 5

A Comedian and an Activist Walk into a Bar at Second City, 6:00 p.m. Caty Borum Chattoo and Lauren Feldman discuss their new book, “the first book to discuss contemporary comedy and social justice — in these strange, divisive times.” Sponsored by the Book Cellar. Hosted by Kelly Leonard.

Mother Cluckers at Anderson’s Bookshop, LaGrange, 8:00 p.m. Comedy with Catherine Dee, Colleen Brennan, Pamela Wehrheim Podolner, Chris Hauri, Bridget McGuire and Janice V. Rodriguez. After-party at Barrel House Social.

Jacob Tobia at Women & Children First, 7:00 p.m. Reading and book signing to celebrate the paperback release of Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6

Open Books/West Loop: Sale!

SATURDAY, MARCH 7

Open Books/West Loop: Sale!

Pamela Cameron at 57^th Street Books, 10:30 a.m. Story time with Pamela Cameron, author of Sport: Ship Dog of the Great Lakes. A rare event:  a dog story time co-sponsored with Chicago’s Maritime Museum!

SUNDAY, MARCH 8

Open Books/West Loop: Sale!

Free Admission at American Writer’s Museum In  honor of International Women’s Day. Trailblazing Women Writers Tour at 1:30 p.m. and 4:00 p.m.

Hello, book lovers.

I’ve been thinking about making this happen for a while now — with the kids grown and in 15 different directions, I wondered how much longer I wanted to post book reviews to a Chicago-centric site that I might someday have to leave behind.

I’m a book hoarder, which makes me a blog hoarder. I don’t want my reviews under several different blog umbrellas. So, to keep things simple, I’m moving my reviewing back to the OG — Litzyditz.com. I’ll keep posting Chicago-related material here, and want to get back to making this more about literary events happening in and around the metro area. But if it’s about a book, you can follow me on over to my original site, which I’ve spiffed back up.

Not going anywhere, just getting organized for the next 10 years of blathering about books. Please take a minute to head over to Litzyditz.com, give me your email address, and I promise to keep it to myself.

Visitors in town: Geoff Tate, Bobcat Goldthwait, Dara Ó Briain, Drew Lynch. Jamie Morton, James Cooper and Alice Levine return to the Chicago Theatre for the latest installment of My Dad Wrote a Porno. Gino Bisconte and Aaron Berg are here for an episode of In Hot Water. Returning to their comedy hometown: Ian Abramson, Zach Peterson and Natasha Pearl Hansen.

At Zanies: Dr. Bill Miller (Chicago), Tacarra Williams (Chicago), Tuesday Ten Showcase (Rosemont), Jim Flannigan (Rosemont).

At The Improv: Vince Carone, Corey Holcomb.

At Riddles: Damon Williams Comedy Series 2020.

Ticket alert: Jeff Garlin at the Museum of Broadcast Communications on April 1.

Chicago comedians in the news: This morning, Vanity Fair  wrote that John Mulaney “was the cure for what’s ailing us” when he hosted Saturday Night Live last night.

Upcoming Chicago comedian TV appearances:

Monday: Cameron Esposito on Conan.

Tuesday: Pete Holmes on the Late Late Show with James Corden.

Tuesday: Nick Offerman on Live with Kelly and Ryan.

Wednesday: Beth Stelling on Lights Out with David Spade.

Wednesday: Ed Asner on The Talk. (Ed Asner was a founding member of the  Playwrights Theatre Company, a precursor to the Compass Players and Second City.)

Friday: Kumail Nanjiani on the Late Late Show with James Corden (repeat).

Following is this week’s Spotlight. Please confirm all details before leaving home!

MONDAY, MARCH 2

Dioversity at iO, 8:30 p.m. An evening with the DiOversity Scholars.

TUESDAY, MARCH 3

Stand-up Comedy in Winnetka at Avli, 7:30 p.m. Dinner and stand-up. Richard Laible hosts Lauren Hooberman and headliner Bill Gorgo.

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Ian Abramson and Zach Peterson at Cards Against Humanity Theater, 8:00 p.m. “Be there, or stand-up could disappear from the world forever. Help keep this historic art form alive.”

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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4

Geoff Tate at North Bar, 8:00 p.m. Geoff Tate is from Cincinnati. He regularly tours with Doug Benson and Doug Stanhope and appears on Doug Loves Movies and Getting Doug with High.

Psychotic Break at Schuba’s Upstairs, 8:00 p.m. “Chicago’s finest mental illness and addiction themed variety show!” Featuring comedian Sukhjit Singh, storyteller Hannah Enstrom, and songs from Mason Johnson. Hosted by Jenn Sodini and Dan Shapiro. Free show.

Comedians You Should Know at Timothy O’Toole’s, 9:30 p.m. Ed Towns hosts Marty DeRosa, Emily Galati, Justin Golak, Jonah Jurkens, Alex Kumin, Aaron McDavis.

THURSDAY, MARCH 5

Mother Cluckers at Anderson’s Bookshop, LaGrange, 8:00 p.m. Featuring Catherine Dee, Colleen Brennan, Pamela Wehrheim Podolner, Chris Hauri, Bridget McGuire and Janice V. Rodriguez. Followed by after party at Barrel House Social.

A Comedian and an Activist Walk into a Bar at Second City, 6:00 p.m. Caty Borum Chattoo and Lauren Feldman discuss their new book, “the first book to discuss contemporary comedy and social justice — in these strange, divisive times.” Sponsored by the Book Cellar. Hosted by Kelly Leonard.

Felonious Munk Live at Laugh Factory, 8:00 p.m. Stand-up, sketch and music from the Chicago Tribune’s Comedy Chicagoan of the Year.

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Natasha Pearl Hansen at North Bar, 8:00 p.m. Natasha Pearl Hansen is a comedian, author, producer, director and Second City alum.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6

Academy After Hours at The Laughing Academy, Glenview, 8:00 p.m. Headliner: Prateek Srivastava. Featuring Seth Davis and Sonal Aggarwal. Hosted by Larry Bloom. A “Funnier By the Lake” Production.

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Bobcat Goldthwait at The Den Theatre, 7:30 p.m., 9:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday night.

SATURDAY, MARCH 7

Late Late Breakfast at The Hideout, 2:00 p.m. The comedy equivalent of a surprise party.

Bobcat Goldthwait at The Den Theatre, 7:30 p.m., 9:30 p.m.

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In Hot Water at North Bar, 7:30 p.m., 10:00 p.m. Live podcast recording followed by stand-up show.

Therapy Players at Skokie Theatre, 8:00 p.m. Chicago’s award-winning all-therapist improv group.

Dara Ó Briain at North Shore Center for Performing Arts, Skokie, 8:00 p.m. From Ireland, the “Voice of Reason” Tour.

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My Dad Wrote a Porno at the Chicago Theatre, 8:00 p.m. Interview with Jamie Morton here.

Messing with Sutton at The Annoyance Theatre, 10:30 p.m. “A joyful, uncensored, and improvised romp through hell.”

SUNDAY, MARCH 8

Drew Lynch at The Vic, 7:30 p.m. An America’s Got Talent finalist and Golden Buzzer.

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I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin’ about half past dead
I just need some place where I can lay my head

We’re in the era of the classic rock music documentary. In the last year we’ve seen films detailing the lives of Linda Ronstadt, David Crosby and the singer-songwriters of Southern California. This film genre is continuing with the release of “Once We Brothers: Robbie Robertson and The Band.” The film was first shown last October at the Toronto Film Festival. It had a limited release last weekend, with a wider drop on Friday.

Based on Robertson’s autobiography “Testimony”, the film tells the story of the legendary rock group “The Band.” The problem is the film is one sided. What you heard was the story of Robbie Robertson. When the film ended, you felt like the group was one guy, Robertson, with his four back up players.

The story of The Band has been told many times. Five young kids who got their musical start backing up Ronnie Hawkins. They broke out on their own and moved up by backing up Bob Dylan. Next was making their own records. Their first two albums “Music From Big Pink” and “The Band” are legendary. The Band was making Americana music decades before it became fashionable.

As with so many rock bands of that era, drug and alcohol addictions was a main factor in tearing them apart. While Robertson indulged in this, he wasn’t in as deep as his band mates, Levon Helm, Rick Danko and Richard Manuel. Tired of being a babysitter and touring life, Robertson pulled the plug on The Band. They did go out with a bang, ending with the Thanksgiving 1976 concert, “The Last Waltz.”

When they regrouped a few years later, Robertson wasn’t a part of the reformation. He moved on making his own music, scoring films for Martin Scorsese, and raising his family. The original members of The Band never played together again.

That’s the basics of The Band’s story. It gets deeper because of the feud between Robertson and Helm over songwriting credits and money. It’s a feud that’s pretty much one sided on Helm’s part, which he took to his grave.

All these stories are told in the film…mostly with Robbie Robertson as the narrator. He not only tells the stories, but he makes judgments about them. By the end of the groups run, he made it seem like he and keyboardist Garth Hudson were the only ones doing any of the work.

The sad part is there is no one around to defend the other members of The Band. Richard Manuel died in 1986, Rick Danko in 1999 and Levon Helm in 2012. All we hear are their voices in older clips. Also, not a word from the other surviving member, Garth Hudson, who isn’t interested in reliving the past. Like stated earlier, this is purely a Robbie Robertson production.

It’s not all bad…there are interviews with Eric Clapton, Bruce Springsteen and Van Morrison. They talk about the greatness of The Band and their influence on their own musical journey. There’s also enough music in the film that it’ll whet your appetite to go old school and pull out some of their albums.

How you’ll feel at the end of this film depends on your feeling about Robbie Robertson. Most fans of The Band take a side. It’s either Robbie or Levon. If you’re a fan of Robertson’s, you’ll love this look at his life and career. If you’re on Levon’s side, it’ll grow your bitterness towards Robbie.

Take a load off Fanny
Take a load for free
Take a load off, Fanny
And (and) (and) you put the load right on me

Related Post-Levon Helm and Robbie Robertson: The feud that went to the grave & The Shape I’m In: The sad story of Richard Manuel

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THE CALL OF THE WILD

Genre: Adventure

Rating: PG

Running Time: 100 mins.

Where Can You See It?: In theaters now 

Premise: Buck is a large, energetic house dog  (mix of St. Bernard and Scotch shepherd) who can’t really be contained. After being kidnapped and sold away from his owners, he finds work as a sled dog and eventually partners up with a cantankerous old man (Harrison Ford, who else?) to look for gold, during the turn of the century.

Behind-the-Scenes: This is the first film since Disney acquired Fox to use the new studio logo: 20th Century Studios (the Fox name has too many negative political connotations these days). Based on the classic Jack London novel from 1903. Budgeted at over $120 million because the filmmakers decided to make Buck (and all the other animals who appear) an all CGI-creation. The motion capture work for Buck was performed by actor Terry Notary (The Square). Janusz Kaminski serves as cinematographer, in a rare departure from his regular Spielberg collaborations.

The Good: The Call of the Wild does its source material proud, and serves as fine family entertainment for a Saturday matinee. The mix of CGI and natural locations is certainly pretty, and Kaminski is incapable of making a bad-looking movie. Despite acting opposite a motion capture actor for much of it, Harrison Ford doesn’t seem to be phoning it in here, as he so often does. Always glad to see Dan Stevens on screen, even when he’s hamming it up in a mustache-twirling villain role.

The Bad: I understand why they needed to use CGI to make Buck and all the animals, and imagine it gave them a lot more filmmaking freedom (not having to deal with the time and patience required of working with real dogs), but it just didn’t ever work for me. Buck is obviously CGI the whole time – I never once believed he was real, and it constantly took me out of the movie, trying to find all the seams. The effects work reaches the same level of distraction as, say, young Robert DeNiro in The Irishman. The story stalls and never regains the same momentum after Buck stops being a sled dog midway through.

Should You See It?: No, you can skip this one in theaters. Wait for the Disney+ arrival in a few months. It’s a weird flick – neither fish nor fowl. All that wonky CGI puts in a state of purgatory. But, it would make for a passable family movie night at home.

Star Rating: **1/2 out of 5 stars

Better Than: The Art of Racing in the Rain, Snow Dogs

Worse Than: A Dog’s Purpose, Isle of Dogs

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For more movie/TV commentary and other mischief, follow me on Twitter: @Hammervision and on Letterboxd: @Hammervision