Boy am I stupid, and I don’t even watch Fox News.

Never saw this coming. You probably didn’t either.

But now we are in this for the long haul so it’s time to get serious and crank up how we cope with this new way of living.

This may go on for a long, long time.

We need good coping skills to survive.

I’m on it.

No longer forgetting to shower and staying in pajamas all day, now it’s a daily shower. Well, maybe a nightly shower. I get dressed in real clothes, including that dreadful bra.

I want to feel normal.

Legs get shaven on occasion and I’ll attend to my mustache and beard even though it can’t be seen behind my face mask. Not that anyone is looking for my facial hair.

Please don’t invite me to another Zoom meeting. I dread this whole Brady Bunch format of seeing all these people in boxes.

“Tiger King?” Isn’t what we are all going through disturbing enough? We watched it for about eight minutes and had to turn back to “Grace and Frankie.” That was a close call.

Coping skills.

I never thought I would write this sentence:

McCormick Place is being turned into a field hospital with the potential of 3,000 hospital beds and Malort is distilling hand sanitizer.

We sold all of our stock and piled all the cash into little stacks. Then I hid the stacks all over the house. Don’t worry, I also made a Treasure Map so I can find the money when I need it. You may ask, where did I learn this savvy financial advice? Well, from Shirley Maisel, of course. She’s Joel’s mother on “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Genius. I may have hid a pile of loot in your front hall closet. Keep an eye on it, will you?

No one cares about Jussie Smollett anymore.

Hungry, I look in the fridge. Those strawberries are going to rot soon. I should wash and slice them now. No. That’s too much work. A sleeve of frozen Thin Mints sure hits the spot.

I find I am touching my face 469,037 times a day. Before washing my hands, I think I scratched my nose. I break out in a sweat. Perhaps I should wear my mittens to stop this filthy habit. How long does the virus live on fabric? Need to call Dr. Fauci.

Coping skills.

We will know everyone’s natural hair color by Memorial Day.

The trunk of my car has become our second pantry. Non-perishable items remain in there to quarantine for a week. So now I shop my trunk when I need cat food, Cascade or black beans.

Coping skills.

First term Governor J.B. Pritzker and first term Mayor Lori Lightfoot are teaching us all what formidable leadership looks like. I feel better knowing they are in charge.

Stop drinking wine.

Start drinking gin.

Coping skills.

My twice daily walks have been my saving grace. “Rock Fairies” in our neighborhood are leaving painted rocks with inspirational words all along the roads. It gives me hope and brightens my spirits. Thankfully, no one has taken any.

My husband climbs up the stairs and asks, “Hey, are we ever having dinner tonight? It’s 9:30?”

“But we just had breakfast a few hours ago?” I retort. If I wore my mittens, I wouldn’t be able to cook the damn dinner. Now that’s a coping skill.

We really are all in this together. Just knowing that is my biggest coping skill of all.

We are all feeling upset, fearful of the unknown, anxious and miss our families and friends.

Be resilient. Be brave.

The daffodils and forsythia are in bloom. Nature always prevails.

Get outside for some fresh air and exercise if you can.

Cope like you’ve never coped before.

And have a Happy Easter.

I think it’s this month? Or was it last month? Does it matter?

Every day can be Easter.

Cope. Have hope.

Wear your mittens.

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Yesterday’s post was entitled, Covid-19 will probably kill someone you know because Little Donnie is more concerned about his “numbers” than he is about YOU

Hopefully, some folks read a bit of it and checked the facts. I’ve been called every name in the book (there must be a book of insults somewhere), but no one has ever contradicted my facts.

That post was a timeline of Trump’s lies, denials, downplaying and covering up of the coronavirus and his response to it.

It took him about two months to go from What virus? to I always knew it was a pandemic.

Two precious months that America could not afford.  Two months that got us about 470,000 confirmed cases of COVID-19, about 17,000 lives lost to the disease.

And counting.

America and South Korea recorded their first cases of coronavirus on the same day, January 20, 2020.

South Korea immediately began an all out effort to test as many of their citizens as possible to track contacts of those infected and contain the spread.

Donald Trump’s response was to falsely claim, We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China, and we have it under control.

Trump called it a hoax (where have we heard that before?) and the lying liars of Fox “News,” OAN, etc. echoed his lies.

Yesterday, disgraced Fox host Bill O’Reilly told Sean Hannity, Many people who are dying, both here and around the world, were on their last legs anyway.

No wonder O’Reilly had to pay a woman $32 Million just for having sex with him.

Many people infected with COVID-19 show no symptoms.  Others could be contagious for up to 10 days before symptoms begin.

Think of how many people you could have infected in ten days when you didn’t have to stay home or wear a mask.

Now think of how many people those you infected could, in turn, infect in the following ten days.  For those not in the Fox bubble, the word “exponential” may come to mind.

Imagine going to the emergency room with blood oozing out of a wound in your leg, very near the femoral artery. The doctor looks at it and tells you to go home saying, I think it’ll be just fine.

Now imagine America as that patient and Donald J. Trump as that doctor (can you imagine DJT as a doctor?).  Dr. Trump sent America home with his trademark, We’ll see what happens.

And now we’ve seen.

Everything that Donald J Trump said and did since January 20 has been wrong or too, too late.  How do we even classify putting Jared Kushner in charge of America’s coronavirus response?

Was he already done solving all the things in his overstuffed portfolio?  Things like making peace in the Middle East and other assorted tasks for which he is completely unqualified.

On March 18, two months after our first COVID-19 patient, Trump invoked the Defense Production Act.  He called himself a wartime president, but has yet to effectively enact it.

If Franklin Roosevelt were this kind of wartime president, I’d be speaking German right now and everyone west of the Mississippi would be speaking Japanese.

We still don’t have the necessary tests available, either to identify and isolate those infected or to identify those who’ve recovered from the virus and may be able to donate valuable convalescent plasma.

Inexplicably, the Department of Health and Human Services is ending funding for drive through test sites TOMORROW, just as surges in new cases are expected in several states.

Trump takes no responsibility for the lack of tests. 

He said it was up to the states to procure necessary personal protective equipment and ventilators, forcing states to bid against each other for much needed medical supplies.

Trump tried comparing this novel coronavirus to the flu and to car accidents, except that no human has ever been exposed to it before.

COVID-19 is super contagious, has been mutating since its first appearance in Wuhan, China in December, 2019.  It is also completely unpredictable.

Trump said he downplayed the worst pandemic in 100 years because he is a cheerleader for America.

America, like any nation needs leadership, Mr. Trump, especially in time of crisis.

Cheerleaders need not apply.

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I feel the presence of the Coronavirus anxiety demons.

On the surface: the stubble of three days without shaving; an empty Häagen-Dazs container and a physique slowly morphing into Papa Blue Smurf; in the corner of my closet an accumulating pile of laundry measures my lurking discontent.

Seeping within: dark feelings of helplessness and desolation; the futility of it all as I watch the myth of America exposed, the curtains of liberty, justice and equality violently pulled apart.

I’m heading toward a place I do not want to occupy while sheltering in place. I feel as if I’m struggling to survive. My sympathetic nervous system is a Swat team waiting to bust down the door holding my turmoil in check.

I must calm myself. Heightened anxiety is not helpful as we adjust to four walls and twenty-four/seven of the same, unrelenting dirge. If I am to face down the side effects of the pandemic, I must calm myself.

I know how to do it. To relax I must access the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for the body’s metabolic process. I must breathe, consciously breathe, literally following a breathing pattern that will connect me to the basic wellspring of existence.

By consciously breathing I can regulate my emotional state and preoccupation with distracting thoughts. As I become still, I connect with a higher state of consciousness, or “spirit,” that leads to a peaceful state of mind. Feeling calm, with my responses rooted in relaxation rather than acute anxiety, I feel love rather than fear. And since feelings, thoughts and behaviors are interrelated… then I can control the anxiety that threatens my state of mind.

I’m not flouting some eye-rolling psycho-babble. Follow this exercise and you’ll feel for yourself the power of conscious breathing.

Sit quietly and notice where in your body you feel the tension. Remember that the tension is something you “have,” it is not who you “are.”

Give the tension a color and shape to help you detach it from your body. Simply observe it as an image in your mind. Note on a scale of 1 to 10 the level of your feelings triggered by the picture you have created.

Now just breathe and watch the image. Breathe and watch. Breathe and watch. Given your full attention the image will change color and/or shape.

Continue to breathe and watch. The color will change its hue; the shape will get bigger or smaller.

The stressful tension you have pictured will either get very strong and then dissipate… or get very weak and then dissipate. But one way or the other, it will dissipate!

If during your hectic schedule you can commit five minutes to settle yourself in peace and stillness, it will make an enormous difference in how you feel and how you conduct yourself throughout the day. When you are at peace, the energy of your physical body takes the shape of what is known as the Divine Will, and you will become more fully aware of who you are and whom you are meant to be.

We cannot control the existence of the Coronavirus. We can control how we respond to its debilitating presence.

The title doesn’t make any sense. Who wants to be imperfect? Well, who wants to spend their entire life being unhappy? The answer would be no one. But, that is what you are likely to do if you are always in search of perfection. Here, imperfection is not the opposite of perfection like good is the opposite of bad. Imperfection here is rather a “freedom from perfection”. That is what we all ultimately want – to be free from the chains of unrelenting perfection. Instead, learn to fly on the wings that you have been given, not the ones that you believe everyone wants you to have. It’s time to let go and just “be”.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Self-help books always talk about letting go but they never quite get to the instruction part. We all want to rise above the morass that is grasping day after day for an unattainable perfection in every area of our lives. Some people have reached that point or they wouldn’t be writing books about it, right? Why can’t the rest of us join, too? All we need is a bit of enlightenment. So, here goes.

In this article, you will learn what imperfection and perfection mean. Find out how to embrace your inner “imperfection” and be quite comfortable with it. Cultivate the skills you need to make the most of yourself throughout your life as well as permitting others to do so as well.

Who are you?

How many of us have asked that question in the mirror? Throughout your life, you may ask that question many times. What kinds of answers do you get? Could it be that you have not grasped the importance of who you truly are so you keep asking? Most people think that they keep asking because they are not perfect yet. Here’s a news flash: No one is perfect. As long as you are in this human skin, mistakes will always be made.

We are created on the “trial and error” principle. We find things out by learning. The learning process involves trying, failing, trying again and finding a solution so we can move on. New neural pathways are created by experiences, good and bad, positive and negative. Accepting, that point will begin the journey to true self-acceptance.

Many people look to others to tell them who they are. This is a mistake. Other people can summarize their experiences with you, but that is not all to your story. Yes, every human being has a unique story. Even if you share some experiences with others, your perspective on them is never exactly like someone else’s.

In this life, we are burdened down with preconceived notions. Our parents may have believed them so we simply adopt them for ourselves. What was the American Dream that everyone came to the shores of America to obtain? It might have been the white picket fence, a spouse and 2.5 kids (that last kid has a hard way to go). In reality, that dream doesn’t fit every life.

The “dream” is supposed to be subjective. It’s whatever you feel fits your best self, not a pre-formed mold that pops out perfectly happy people.

People have undoubtedly died without realizing that they were playing a role. Who they were meant to be was lost in who they were supposed to be or who they needed to be to “fit in”. It’s sad and also unfair. We owe it to ourselves to love and be loved for who we are. When you can love and accept then you can truly “belong”.

LIVING A WHOLE-HEARTED LIFE

Whole-hearted means with your “whole heart”. How many of us have ever done anything with our whole being involved? We’re not talking about pushing through when you were tired. From the beginning, you pursued a passion for something with all that you truly were at the time. You hoped you believed and you trusted.

That is really what we all want – to be satisfied with ourselves. It is not about material things, although the world would have you think so. If that were the case why do people who seem to have “arrived” succumb to drugs, alcohol, suicide or some other downward spiraling situation? They didn’t have to worry about money, so what made them so unhappy? Many think the answer is material because this is what they lack. They blame others for being weak over it but the reason is deeper than that. They didn’t feel validated or valued.

When you look outside of yourself for validation, you may find it. More likely, you will find a rollercoaster where sometimes you are in favor of others and sometimes you are at their mercy. That’s no way to live your entire life.

If you desire to live a full and whole-hearted life, it’s about your imperfections and embracing them. Get started by studying on and cultivating “courage,” “compassion,” and “connection” in your life.

Courage

When people think of courage, they talk about soldiers, first responders and those who work in dangerous professions. These people do have courage and bravery. They exhibit “heroism”. It is the state of putting your life on the line for someone else. For many, it is the mandate of their job to be heroic. It takes a special person to volunteer for this type of courageous service.

The courage spoken of here is the ordinary kind that most people don’t take the time to

sow into their lives anymore. It is the courage to stand up for someone else, to show your vulnerability where it might be ridiculed or to sympathize with someone else. This exemplifies the everyday courage that can impact the lives of every human being you come in contact with. That’s power, isn’t it?

Courage to be who you are allows others to do the same. What gets in the way of courage? Often it is shame or embarrassment or guilt. You want to raise your hand and ask for clarification in class but don’t because everyone else seems to “get it”. There are those preconceived notions again. You think “everyone knows what’s going on except me.” When you show courage and fight for yourself and raising your hand, others will follow suit. By the end of class, everyone is on the same page.

Compassion

This is a tough one. How many of us jump on the bandwagon of blaming another because everyone else is doing it? No one wants to be singled out as different. If society had its way, we’d all look, act and think the same. It’s like “Big Brother” is here. With the absence of compassion, we lose a part of our humanity.

What is compassion anyway? It is acknowledging the light and dark places in our lives (mostly the dark places, we don’t mind if people stare into the light.) Then we are free to be there for someone else when they need a listening ear. Instead of holding a mistake over someone else, we can let them into our vulnerable places by sharing an experience that could help them. It gives way to understanding. We are taken into the breach with someone else without judgment, only to share their experience for their sake.

Compassion also works when coupled with boundaries. Holding people accountable for their actions shows a desire to help them to achieve their best. It helps you to separate what they do or don’t do from who they are. The opposite is often the case when we “shame and blame”.

Have you ever ridiculed someone for something they did? It could be a friend, a spouse or even your child. In sports, shaming is supposed to toughen up players by making them take criticism to whip them into shape. You might as well put their hands and head in the stocks and throw rotten tomatoes at them. The results would be the same. Ridicule demoralizes the person at the deepest levels. It attacks who they are – their identity.

Instead of helping it hurts them. You don’t look too good either. Your conduct is brought into question for haranguing someone in this way. When you set boundaries, people know you are serious. Kids that can’t watch television if they don’t clean their rooms are more likely to do so.

Their motivation is something they want or praise or reward. Boundaries also show confidence in another person. You don’t want to dish out consequences so you do all you can to assist them in completing the task.

Connection

Social media is no excuse for true connection. It is communicating with others but not getting to “know” them. That takes effort, courage, and compassion. From miles away, you can say you would help another but what would you do when faced with a situation? Want to develop great relationships with coworkers, family, spouses, and friends? Practice getting and staying connected.

When we take the time to invest in another life, our own lives are enhanced. What does it take to invest? It could be asking someone about their family. Show interest and actively listen when another speaks. See yourself in their situation. Suspend judgment as you listen.

Connection also means offering help. Did you know that there is a stigma placed on getting help? Just look at the number of mentally ill people on the streets. Families are reluctant to admit they have mental issues for fear of how others will treat them. In the same way, people who offer help can feel in some way superior to those that ask for it. This prevents them from getting the help they need when the time comes.

To live freely, we have to be able to embrace all areas of who we are. When you can accept it, then asking for help seems logical and necessary to live wholeheartedly and with purpose. And, you give all of yourself to help others without thinking any less of them for needing a hand.

TIPS FOR LIVING YOUR BEST IMPERFECT LIFE

Now that you know what you need to begin living a more fulfilling life (courage, compassion, and connection), here are some tips to put those traits into practice. The only way to get them is to experience them.

Let go – This is not the same as giving up. What you need to let go of is the expectations of others for your life. Set goals for your life and challenge yourself. But, do so with goals that satisfy how you see yourself living. Don’t use someone else’s measuring stick to chart your path.

Love everyone, beginning with yourself – This is the biggest tip. Shaming and blaming, jumping on the bandwagon, trying to fit in and other actions stem from not wanting attention paid to our flaws and shortcomings. Some people will compromise their values and beliefs to fit in and not be ridiculed by others.

What is the cost of your life? Is it worth trading in for the opinions of other human beings just like you? Invest in yourself by taking the time to accept who you are in love. Then and only then can you find places and people to whom you “belong” as an authentic “you” and not a cardboard cutout.

Forget perfection – It is a pipe dream. Each person has their vision of what’s important to their life. Your vision is the one to hold onto. Find ways to live your life around it. Share it with others. Be vulnerable with it. Find out how to be the best person that you can become in the time you have on this planet.

Transform yourself – Everyone evolves. The person you were yesterday is not the person you will be ten years from now and that is how it should be. What it shouldn’t be is you chasing an unrealistic expectation based on society or friends who would rather you reflect them instead of who you are. If you desire changes in your attitude, your body, your career or your family life, do so from a position of acceptance and love of the current state of things and not to impress someone else.

Trust yourself – Who knows you better than you? Take a step in a direction. If it doesn’t work, then change course. Have faith in the process that is your life. Take the time to get to know your likes, dislikes, dreams, hopes, pet peeves and the rest. All of your other relationships stem from the one you have with you. It is hard to truly give to another person if you don’t first have these things within yourself.

We have a fascination with perfection. Instead of finding nirvana, most people find disappointment, anxiety, judgment and a face in the mirror that is not truly their own. Who you are is more important to live (yours and that of others) than trying to fit a certain shape or mold. The world is waiting for you and your unique gifts, talents, and presence. It would be deprived of a shining light if you sell yourself short by conforming to the wishes of the world instead of the God-given potential that is waiting inside of you to burst forth.

Living imperfectly is not a flaw but a privilege. When you take the courage to be free and present yourself as you are, unconsciously, you permit others to be themselves as well. And that’s a win-win for everyone.