Risk an unpopular viewpoint and the blog-o-sphere erupts with molten malice; dreaded Twitter monsters lurk behind their venomous hash tags. The twisted values of the social media world deliver a clear message: “Why would you willingly expose yourself to being emotionally attacked and wounded? Dude, do not ever admit to being vulnerable!”

It is sad advice. It cripples rather than protects. It isolates you. It shrinks your ability to feel, and to love and be loved.

Being vulnerable is not a weakness, it is a strength. It is courage, manifest and unrestrained. It is the ability to feel; to experience happiness and pain, love and despair; and the capacity to convey those feelings and emotions.

I have been in many a sharing circle, both as witness and focus of the tableau, when men and women have allowed their suffering to surface. Their tears, our tears, washed us clean, revealed our humanness, validated our existence, empowered us to love deeper and grow stronger. It is in those moments when we are most human, putting our differences aside and standing together as one, arm in arm with those you never thought you could.

If you are carrying a heavy weight, staggering under the burden, it’s a relief when someone comes along to help you. The more who offer their help, the lighter the load. Are you “weaker” as a result? Isn’t it easier to carry the weight now that you don’t have to do so all by yourself?

Maybe the answer is not so simple; it probably depends on how the help is offered. If the assistance comes with a haughty “you’re too weak to carry this alone,” it will probably elicit more resentment than appreciation. But if the person pitches in and says, “wow, I know how heavy that is, I wasn’t strong enough to carry it by myself either,” you’d probably be grateful for the extra pair of hands.

It’s the difference between “teaching/lecturing” and “sharing/experiencing.”

When I lead workshops for men and women, I’m careful not to “teach” per se. To make a point I try to tell a personal story that illustrates it. I share what I experienced in a way that others can identify with, and personally ‘live’ the outcome. I am willing to show my vulnerability!

When people try to help you by telling you what to do it’s harder to make a connection. And without a connection, trust can’t be established.

If the ‘teachers’ are willing to share real parts of themselves with you – willing to be vulnerable – sharing more than their intelligence but their honesty and openness, the essence of who they are – this makes them relatable; human; trustworthy.

If the teachers are willing to expose pieces of their lives, you will feel safe to do the same. It is their vulnerability that creates connection. It puts us in the same place and is a reminder that all of us have failings, and none of us are inherently flawed. It takes courage on both sides: feeling safe to share deep feelings; trusting the sincerity of the narrative; promising confidentiality.

To be vulnerable is to be courageous; it opens us up to life rather than being fearful of it. Embracing vulnerability allows us to feel more connected with other people, makes us more emotionally available and able to be more authentic and honest with ourselves and others. Our vulnerability empowers us to love deeper and grow stronger.

I just called the President of the United States a bitch!

The good news is I wasn’t arrested by the Secret Service and am still a free man. The bad news is I was yelling loud at my tv. It was almost as loud as the Democrats running for President at the last debate.

I admit that this isn’t the first time this has happened, although it may be the first time I used the b-word. But it doesn’t occur as often as you think. The reason for this is when I find out he’s giving a speech or doing a gaggle before he gets on a helicopter, I switch the channel. If I didn’t, I’d be MFing my television set on a daily basis….probably multiple times. I decided it’s better for my blood pressure and my general health to ignore him as much as possible.

But then they are times like Wednesday night.

Don has returned from India and he’s going to address the Coronavirus scare. I have plans to get on an airplane next week. An enclosed capsule full of two hundred people passing germs back and forth to each other doesn’t make me feel too safe. I know Don has the best experts in the country working on this potential problem. I know he’s been briefed on the best options to keep this from becoming a pandemic in the United States. So who better to go to to find out if I can make it to Las Vegas without getting a disease that could kill me? I’m willing to spend fifteen minutes of my valuable time to find out.

The first thing I heard was that Mike Pence is going to be the point man on this. He’s the Coronavirus czar. A guy who doubts most scientific findings is going to be in charge. I’m pretty sure that was the first time I called Trump a bitch. Hey, I didn’t say it was only one time.

I eventually turned off the television and moved on with my life…sorta. Being the smartass that I am, I went to Facebook and Twitter to ask if I’m the only one who screams at televised Trump. In my heart, I know others do it, too…I just want them to admit it so I can feel better about myself. Here are some of the answers:

“All night every night.”
“I watched maybe two minutes, but felt blood pressure rise and started yelling at the screen so with my 7-year old around, thought it was best to just turn it off.”
“I yell at my phone when I read anything about him.”
“I call him names I didn’t even think I knew! My mother, who never swore, would be really upset with me.”

Aha!! I knew it! I knew I wasn’t the only one. I suppose this solidarity should make me feel better, but it’s not going to help much when I get on that plane and people start coughing. Maybe I should pay extra for an aisle seat so only one person will be crammed in next to me.

I guess it can be worse. I’m scheduled to go on a cruise in June. I’m fairly sure Don and Mike will have this thing contained by then…fairly sure. If not, I’m looking forward to being quarantined with thousands of people in Alaska.

Related Post: Is there double jeopardy for impeachment?

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As a caregiver for my mother, I frequently interact with our health care system. Having received a liver transplant ten years ago via Medicaid and Medicare, my mother has also experienced other health consequences including kidney disease, type 2 diabetes, and chronic heart disease. Last Friday, my mother went in for an angiogram on her liver (to determine flow) while I struggled with a skin infection on my arm. Although my mother and I belong to different health provider networks, navigating the health care system for caregivers and the people they care for provides the basis of a love/hate relationship.

Photo by Gordon Dymowski

My mother had scheduled the procedure for 12:45 pm on a Friday, with our arrival time at 11:15 am. (Thankfully, I had called my doctor for an appointment about my skin infection the previous week, but was sent to Immediate Care due to a lack of appointments) A notification text the day before had indicated the time moved up to 2:45 pm, but my mother had clarified the time since we were depending on medical transportation. So we were both surprised when that Friday, at 5:30 am, we received a call from the transportation provider asking if we could be ready for a 7:00 am pickup. From that point,

• We arrive at the hospital with nothing in their records about Mom’s appointment. After being bounced through various departments, we learn where we’re supposed to head, and we’re allowed in.
• After arriving at the appropriate department. , we wait for Mom to be prepped. To kill the boredom, I sign up for text notifications about Mom’s procedure. While waiting, I call my primary care physician for follow-up; luckily, I’m able to schedule an appointment in between job search efforts and watching YouTube.
• Once Mom is formally prepared, I grab lunch and sit in the family lounge. My time is spent writing, doing some job searching, and catching up on social media.
• After making my way into the family lounge, I wait for another two hours when I am notified by an attendant that Mom is heading into her procedure. During this time…
• I receive a call from Mom’s transportation provider; after I apologize for the delay, the driver informs me that his manager does not want his drivers out after 5 pm, necessitating a last-ditch effort (Spoiler: hospital staff ensured that we had transportation home), and
• I discover that it was #NationalCaregiversDay on Twitter, and a tweet declared that “Caregivers are the health care system” and that caregivers “rock” at negotiating health care services.

Photo by Gordon Dymowski

And that’s part of the problem: too many people advocating for caregivers do not understand the totality of negotiating the health care system. (Watch the above video from Last Week Tonight With John Oliver for details). Rather than focus on advocating for systemic changes, these advocates tend to focus on more superficial issues. Many caregivers dealing with the complexities of the health care system on top of their caregiving duties have a greater risk for compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout. There’s a lack of acknowledgment about the burden and toll of caregiving on the individual, substituting self-help platitudes for more adaptive caring strategies and fostering connection and community.

But the greatest challenge in negotiating health care is engaging in self-care as a caregiver. Many caregivers are more likely to sacrifice their own health when caring for an elderly relative, and some caregivers experience health issues as a result. (Mental health issues for caregivers, especially male caregivers, are also critical). Caregivers are rarely reminded that self-care is not an indulgence, but a discipline. Negotiating a complicated system only adds to a caregiver’s stress; working to “game the system” makes it harder for caregivers and their relatives.

Photo by Gordon Dymowski

Final note: I was fortunate to learn that my skin infection was easily treatable with antibiotics.  However, getting to that point involved negotiating a tricky, often contradictory system that lacks empathy for patients and their loved ones. With the recent focus on public health issues around the coronavirus, it would be tempting to take a less even-handed tone about health care. However, caregivers – like many other people – have a complicated relationship with health care because of bureaucracy, costs, and lack of access to services.

And it shouldn’t be – health care is not an indulgence, it’s a right.

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It’s actually a low-key week, with Maplewood’s Pulaski Day celebration and beer release starting the week off around the Chicago area. We’ll also have some Women’s History Month events. Of course there’s a lot of events next week for St. Patrick’s Day. I’m trying to separate out events with nothing to offer but “green beer” or “Car Bombs.”

I’m also seeing more brewery and beer bar events hosted by local political organizations. Right now, my inclination is to post them on the list, but my standards for inclusion are entirely arbitrary and could change.

We need to note another closing in the Chicago beer scene: Scallywag Brewing, on Case Ave. in West suburban Westmont, announced they had closed on February 24. This was a nice storefront brewery with local art space, and locally roasted coffee in the morning. They opened in 2018.

Monday, March 2

Tuesday, March 3

Wednesday, March 4

Thursday, March 5

Munchie is a three-week-old, wiggly, handleable and fun Golden hamster baby looking for a loving guardian.

Munchie is learning to appreciate attention from his people, lots of different foods and treats, spinning on his wheel and exploring his surroundings.

Golden hamsters live alone in their habitats so it’s important to give daily attention and love.

In captivity, these golden hamsters can run two to five miles in a 24-hour period and can store up to one ton of food in their cheeks in a lifetime. It’s fun to watch them hoard food.

Since this is a baby, he will need patient daily handling and socialization so he is not afraid of humans.

His adoption fee of $15 benefits the Friends of Petraits Rescue. If you need an entire hamster habitat, aquarium, bedding, food, treats, toys, exercise wheel, hidey hut and water bottle – everything you need including the hamster – the whole package is available for $75.

To meet and possibly adopt Munchie please contact [email protected].

Munchie is being fostered in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood.

To start, I’d like to apologize if you’re offended by the notion that you have to be stupid to believe one single word out of Donald John Trump’s mouth.

I’m sorry because you should have already known that.

If you ever get a chance to read ANYTHING or find ANY news source other than Fox, you would know that very little of what Donald John Trump says bears even the slightest relationship to facts or truth.

You believe him when he denies what should be blatantly obvious to furniture, that man’s output of carbon and methane into the atmosphere is, at the very least hastening climate change at a dangerous rate.

Now you believe him when he tells you that he’s got a rapidly spreading pandemic “well controlled.” Shame on you.

Trump doesn’t read, doesn’t sit for presidential briefings and doesn’t listen to anyone but Vladimir Putin and conspiracy theorists like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin.

What possible sense could it make to believe a goon like Donald John Trump over the ENTIRE WORLDWIDE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY?

Shame on you.

Donald John Trump fired the CDC PANDEMIC RESPONSE TEAM (all of them) in 2018 and wants to cut another 16% from the CDC budget.  Hannity probably omitted that from his “newscasts.”

The Trump administration is missing senior (nonpartisan) officials in crucial departments across the board, even in the Department of Homeland Security.  Most of the people “in charge” are in acting positions and unqualified for those roles.

That’s what happens when you have a president whose sole object is to surround himself with people loyal ONLY to him, regardless of their competence.

You can, if you choose continue to believe Donald John Trump, in spite of what you can see with your own eyes and hear with your own ears.  To you, reality is only a TV show, anyway.

The stock market, Trump’s proud measure of “success” is telling you something different, though. It’s telling you that Donald John Trump is full of crap.

Investors and market mavens were willing to overlook Trump’s crimes, ignorance and lies because his tax cuts to the rich made them even richer.

Almost immediately after Trump’s economic adviser, Larry Kudlow came out and said that the coronavirus was well contained, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 800 points.

Besides all his pomposity and inanity, Kudlow is most famous for touting housing stocks leading up to the crash of 2008.

You can believe Donald John Trump if you want to, but you should believe this, as well:  We have not heard the last of the coronavirus here in these United States.

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Gustave Dore

“‘I think that there’s a chance that it [coronavirus] could get worse, a chance it could get fairly substantially worse, but nothing’s inevitable,’ Trump told reporters at the White House.”    [NDTV]

Trump says that nothing is inevitable.

Which took away my breath.

Let’s see him scape the March of Time,

The shadowed Vale of Death.

To me, the Volkswagen Passat has always been a “grown up” car. 

It’s the kind of vehicle you buy when you want something that’s kind of nice, a little spacious and generally attractive — but don’t have a lot of money to spend.

The 2020 Passat gets a redesign and manages to become even better than it was, and it’s always been good.

Hits

The exterior design of the Passat gets a little bolder for 2020. I might even call it austere. It’s conservative, yet handsome, and it’s exactly the kind of vehicle you’d be OK taking your boss or client to lunch in. They won’t think you’re being overpaid, but they will think you have nice taste.

This handsome design is backed by fun-to-drive dynamics (though I wouldn’t show your boss or client how aggressive it can be). It has quick acceleration for urban driving, and it manages highway passing fairly well.

Another bonus: Even though this is equipped with a 2.0-liter 4-cylinder turbocharged engine, there is no real turbo lag.

As a midsize sedan, it has a decent turning radius and it’s not too long to maneuver in tight city spaces.

View this post on Instagram

Hooray for standard Apple CarPlay on the @vw #Passat. I don’t even care that the screen is teeny tiny. @waze integration for the win. #cardujour #vwpassat

A post shared by jill ciminillo (@jillciminillo) on Jan 28, 2020 at 10:21am PST

Something else to note: Apple CarPlay and Android Auto are standard, so no need to upgrade to a top trim with navigation.

The biggest hit, however, is the fact that options are minimal and the trim structure appropriately advances the features. The Passat is well-stocked with blind spot monitoring, CarPlay and LED headlights at just less than $24k, then you get a little more at each trim bump, topping out at $32k for leather seats, navigation, premium audio and loads of other whistles and bells. 

And in a very un-German-like move, there’s only one paint color that is an option: Aurora Red Metallic ($395). Everything else is (gasp) included.

Misses

The interior of the Passat is boring. I suppose that’s a comfort to Volkswagen owners because every VW interior looks basically the same. But it could use a little something, something to add visual interest.

Which takes me to my biggest disappointment.

I find it weird that the Passat is slotted above the Jetta, yet it doesn’t have one of the coolest features the new Jetta got last year: the Digital Cockpit. 

If you’re not familiar with this feature, it’s basically VW’s take on the Audi Virtual Cockpit. It’s a little simpler than the Audi version, but still a visual delight with a large configurable digital screen behind the steering wheel. It can house a large instrument cluster or a detailed digital map. But it’s very tech forward as well as attractive.

I’m perplexed by this, and frankly, I’m just surprised it’s not even an option on a redesigned vehicle for 2020.

View this post on Instagram

One of the things I really appreciate about @vw is the design is more of an evolution than revolution. While this is a 2020 #Passat, it won’t be completely unfamiliar if you own an older Volkswagen. #cardujour #vwpassat

A post shared by jill ciminillo (@jillciminillo) on Jan 28, 2020 at 6:18am PST

Trims

The trim structure is very straight forward, and I like the fact that it’s a WYSIWYG. There aren’t a lot of hidden options, though there are several dealer accessories that can be added at each trim.

• S: $23,915
• SE: $26,765 +920
• R-Line: $29,565
• SEL: $32,015

The Chicago Factor

The Volkswagen Passat is one of those great city vehicles that looks more expensive than it is, so you won’t be afraid to park it on the street or let it get a little dirty. It’s also large enough to fit some people and stuff, but not so big that it’s difficult to maneuver in a cramped parking garage.

For my money, I’d opt for the SE trim, which is one level off base and adds leatherette seating surfaces, heated front seats, remote start and adaptive cruise control. With standard Apple CarPlay/Android Auto for navigation, you really don’t need much more than that for an urban vehicle.

View this post on Instagram

Snow day car swap. Trying to get some photos before the #cardujour is completely trashed. @vw Passat #vwpassat

A post shared by jill ciminillo (@jillciminillo) on Jan 23, 2020 at 2:26pm PST